Perhaps the most misused word in the English language is the word "impossible."
Something is said to be impossible to do, to think or to believe, but then the impossible
is done, thought, and believed.
I like to shock people by telling sex jokes on the sperm-of-the-moment.
Crazy! When nothing goes right, go left, and when nothing is left go right, do right, and be right because that's all that's left.
One of my definitions of a man is someone who will risk protecting those who can't protect themselves.
I like work. I can watch people doing it all day and not even work up a sweat.
I think the two most often mispronounced words are 'nuclear' (not nook-u-ler) and 'cavalry' horses, not Calvery, the land where Jesus was crucified.
My philosophy teacher (Mr. Edgars) once said, "A pebble of logic is worth more than a boulder of religion.
I've wondered why people don't ask for or even want proof of their God. We want proof for thousands of things. A cop wants proof that you have a driver's license and insurance. You have to show him. A teacher wants proof that you've learned the lesson. She gives a test for the proof. I could go on and on, but don't you dare ask for proof of someone's God. Maybe there is a God, but I'd like proof.
A woman's mind must be much cleaner than a man's mind. Why? Because a woman changes her mind more often. (forgive me).
To a father who is growing old, there is nothing more dear and precious than a loving daughter.
Everyone knows that time changes everything, but dammit, why is it always changing the size of my pants so quickly?
The smoking section in a restaurant is no better than a urinating section in a swimming pool.
If you eat all-natural foods, will you die from natural causes?
Staying healthy is the slowest possible way to die.
Damn good advice: Don't ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Tell me. How can a cemetery raise its prices, and then blame it on the cost of living?
Which is better? Eternal happiness or a ham sandwich? Eternal happiness seems to be better, but don't we all know that 'nothing' is better than eternal happiness, and a ham sandwich is better than 'nothing.' Therefore logic tells us that a ham sandwich is better than eternal happiness. I going to make a ham sandwich.
Please believe me. I certainly know a great story when I write one.
I don't fart in public, but a do sneeze from the back of my underwear.
Do you need a little taste of religion before you decide on one? Simple: Bite a pastor or priest. Take a risk and bite a nun. It seems like a tasteful thing to do.
Wine lovers don't care if their glass is half empty or half full.
God created man in his image, and man, being a gentleman, returned the favor.
Is the devil simply God when he's drunk? I hope he/she/it doesn't pay too much for the alcohol. There's no prophet in that.
"To me, it is far better to understand the Universe as it really is, than to persist in a delusion, however satisfying and reassuring."
My curiosity sometimes gets me in trouble, In the search for truth, curiosity can, and often is, confused with sarcasm. An example: If God is omnipotent (all-powerful" and omnibenevolent (all good), then where does evil come from. It can't come from the devil if God is all-powerful (unless God wishes evil to exist). So, did God create the evil in the world? Well, how can God justify commanding people to be good, and then letting evil exist? I'm not going out of my way to offend anyone. I'm simply curious, skeptical, and logical. Sometimes it drives me crazy and, perhaps, simply accepting religious indoctrination is more soothing and much less problematic.
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