Autobiography Part Three

The Return of the Yellow Witch

Aug. 2010

PART 1

            Mr. Pooka (MP)was having dinner with Smart Princess Lily (SPL) and Strong Spiderman Slone (SSS). It was summer vacation, so they were allowed to visit MP for a few days, especially since MP had become very good friends with Lily’s and Slone’s parents.

            Dinner was really different and exciting when they stayed with Mr. Pooka. For one dinner he had bubble gum tasting soup, with potatoes and just a hint of spider legs to spice it up. SSS thought that the spice was the best part of the soup. He said, “Yummy, yummy, in my tummy tummy.”

            The three friends also had a salad made from the inner tree bark of an Oak tree. Mr. Pooka joked and said the bark was from a Dogwood tree, then said, “Ruff, ruff. Woof, woof.” The salad also had weeds, cabbage, tomatoes and plenty of carrots because giant white rabbits need to eat a lot of carrots for excellent eyesight. The salad dressing was made from skunk-weed juice, slimy worm guts and FARNAMFLUBBERDO (far-nam-flubber-do), which is very rare and comes from the eight-legged, two-headed, and four-eyed WORSHOOPENDORF (wor-shoo-pen-dorf) bug.

            They all laughed a lot as they ate, talked, and told jokes. Mr. Pooka asked the kids, “What do you call a helicopter when the pilot is a skunk?”

            SPL and SSS looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and said, “I don’t know.”

            Mr. Pooka grinned and said, “You call it a smellicopter.” (Lily told me that joke)

            SSS almost spit his food out because he laughed so hard.

            SPL and SSS really like staying with MP for a day, and they were twice as excited now to be able to spend two days with him. They always had fun, sometimes they had adventures, but mostly because they laughed a lot while playing games and listening to MP’s funny stories.

            They were eating a late dinner so by the time they finished, it was dark outside. They were comfortable and relaxed inside MP’s cabin in the woods. They knew that, later, after watching TV for a while, they would get a surprise and strange dessert. That’s what MP usually gave them when they stayed overnight with him.

            MP always looked forward to visits from SSS and SPL. He didn’t have any children yet, so he treated SPL and SSS as if they were his own children. He loved them very much, except for their smell. To MP, all humans really had a bad odor, but he was getting used to it. It was a small price to pay for his human friendships.

            MP said, “SSS. You remember the story you told me about your mom giving you a bath when you were a little boy?”

            “Yeah. I remember and it was a stinky story,” SSS said, then laughed.

            “That’s for sure. Your mom told me that all of a sudden she saw bubbles in the water. Then there was an awful smell and she knew that you were farting. The smell was so bad, she said, that she had to stop bathing you and spray the bathroom to get rid of the stink.”

            “Yeah,” SPL yelled, “and Mom opened the bathroom door and I was waiting to come in to use the toilet But all of a sudden the stinky air filled my nose with a terrible smell and I gagged. I had to run away and get some fresh air.”

            SSS couldn’t stop laughing, and while laughing he had to squeeze his stomach muscles which made him fart more. To him, farts were the funniest thing in the world. Then SSS said, “It was so funny. Mom almost threw-up in the toilet.” SSS kept right on laughing.

            As they were finishing their delicious meal at the kitchen table, they did not notice the kitchen window. It was evening and dark outside now.

            “Good thing no one has to give you a bath anymore,” MP said.

            There was movement outside the window, but no one saw it. The movement was like that of a ghost floating by, only it wasn’t white. It was dressed in black clothes so it could hardly be seen, like a black marble rolling across a black cloth.

            When they were finished eating, Pooka and the kids cleared the table and washed the dishes together. When they finished, they all patted their stomach, smiled at each other, then walked to the living room. Pooka turned on the TV.

            There was another dark movement outside the window, only much closer. There were two red dots, like burning eyes looking into the house. The shape of it got close to the window. Whatever it was ,it was dressed in black clothes that made it really hard to see. but now that it was very close to the window, a yellow hat appeared. The bright yellow hat looked like a giant, yellow ice-cream cone sitting up-side-down on a yellow scoop of dirty yellow ice-cream.

            Was it an animal? Was it a person with a yellow face and Halloween hat? Was it a joke or an illusion? No, it was the Yellow Witch (YW).

            The YW was so close to the window now that her nose touched it, leaving a yellow grease mark. She was talking to herself, saying, I’ll get the three of you for embarrassing me and beating me the last time we met in the wilderness mountain.

            The YW stared at the three friends. She smiled, showing her black, rotting teeth. Her tongue stuck out like a snake’s tongue as he burning, red eyes almost melted through the glass window pane. The YW was thinking about her new, more powerful, magic wand, a much better wand than the one the Pooka had broken in the mountains. Oh, yes, she wanted revenge badly, like a child wants candy, ice-cream and Oreo cookies.

            The YW just got into town, so she was not aware that MP had used his magic to give more power to SSS and SPL. He’d given SPL the power to touch people, animals and bugs and freeze them so they couldn’t move until she touched them again. MP gave SSS the power to exhale a steam of air with such force that SSS could knock things down.

            After an hour of watching TV, MP said, “Well my good friends, I have a special treat for you. For a snack, you’ll have some DUMFREENOODLEDOODLES (dum-free-noodle-doodles)”

            “What are those?” SSS and SPL said almost at the same time and their voices sounding excited.

            “Oh, now, not so fast. You’ll find out as soon as I get back. It’s a surprise,” MP said to them with a big smile, then got up and walked into the kitchen.

            When he got back, he gave SSS and SPL a bowl and they squealed with delight. They saw that dumfreenoodledoodles (dum-free-noodle-doodles) were three scoops of ice-cream (one vanilla, one chocolate and one strawberry) with ketchup on top of the vanilla, mustard on the chocolate, and relish on the strawberry. On top of all that there were sprinkles of tiny candies that made it all look extra colorful. It looked awful, but tasted good. They got comfortable in their chairs (SSS tooted) and watched TV while they ate their delicious snack.

            As the three friends watched the TV, ate and laughed, MP thought he heard a noise. When he didn’t hear it again, he returned to watching the TV.

            The Yellow Witch (YW) had opened the back door. She snuck inside the house and walked silently through the dark kitchen. Then on silent tip-toes she walked toward the living room to get her revenge. She had seen them all there when she looked through the window. Now she wanted to hurt MP, SSS and SPL for all the times that they had beat her and her sister (the Red Witch).

PART 2

            As the YW’s black shadow moved carefully toward the living room, a board in the floor creaked. It was only a tiny squeak that even a mouse would not hear.

            But MP, with his very large ears, did hear that noise. MP stopped laughing and listened more carefully. He heard footsteps that no one else could hear. He whispered to SPL and SSS, “Be quiet. Go upstairs and hide in the bathroom. Lock the door. Something is wrong. Maybe a burglar.”

            SSS and SPL immediately did as they were told, and did it quietly. They had already learned how important is was to do what MP said and to do it fast. It was like obeying their mommy and papa, so it was not hard to learn.

            MP left the TV on, then started walking slowly, carefully toward the dark kitchen. MP filled his hands with magic powder and kept walking. He stopped when he heard a chair move slightly, as if some hand or foot had accidentally bumped into it. As Pooka neared the door to the kitchen he turned off the lights in the living room so that the only light was from the TV. He stepped through the doorway and into the darkness of the kitchen.

                                          *

            Upstairs, in the bathroom with the door locked, SPL and SSS were being very quiet, until SSS whispered, “Do you think someone really came into the house to steal things?”

            SPL answered, “MP has really good ears. He can hear a bug fart from a mile away. If he said he heard something, then he did.”

            “Yeah, but I didn’t hear anything but the TV. If MP did hears something, maybe we should go help him.”

            “We’ve already seen how important it is to trust MP. It’s like trusting momma and papa, so stop talking like that. MP said to hide in the bathroom so that’s what we do.”

            “Yeah, but I’m very strong now. I can climb walls like a spider, and even climbing tall building is not hard for me. I can even wrap up the bad guys in my webs.”

            “You say the word ‘but’ a lot. It’s making your head look like your butt. Stop being silly. So what happens if a really bad person finds out your weakness and sprays salt water on you? That will make you weak and very sick. Then you lose your special powers until you get better.”

            “Sure, but, nobody —

            “There’s your ‘but’ again. Start thinking with your brain and not your butt.”

            “You think you’re so funny, but that’s just your face. Anyway, nobody else knows about my secret, so no one can hurt me when I’m with MP. We just need to be brave.”

            “Sometimes being brave can be the wrong thing to do, especially if you have no plan. Should Superman just be brave and ignore a chunk of kryptonite. Superman has a special weakness, too, and bad people found out about it. Now they try to hurt him with it. If bad people find out your weakness  s salt water, then they will know how to hurt you.”

            “Oh, heck, everybody has some weakness. Mom and Papa taught us that. Weren’t you listening?” SSS said to tease SPL. “Look at you. You aren’t strong like me.”

            SPL: “Oh yeah! Well (Lily said the word ‘Makena,’ then touched SSS’s arm) how strong do you feel now,” Lilly laughed.

            SSS could not move at all. He felt paralyzed.

            Then SPL said “Makena” again and touched SSS. Now he was now perfectly normal, as before.

            SSS: “You cheat. That’s not fair.”

            SPL: “I’m older and I’m your big sister, so please behave yourself and let’s do what MP told us to do, just like we have to do what Momma and Papa tell us to do.

            SSS: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now we have to obey Mr. Poop-ka. He uses this toilet to go Poop-ka in, doesn’t he?” SSS started giggling.

            SPL: “Don’t be mean. MP is our best friend, so don’t say that. It isn’t very nice, especially after all he has done for us. And remember, if we start disobeying MP, mom and papa will find out and we won’t be able to come here anymore.”

            SSS: “OK, OK. Geez, what’s the big deal? You and I call momma and papa names, sometimes.”

            SPL: “That’s only because I’m really mad. I don’t mean it.”

            SSS: “Well, smarty-pants, I don’t mean it either.”

            Suddenly SSS and SPL heard terrible noises coming from downstairs. Loud noises, like things smashing, things being moved or shoved, and then loud yelling.

            Suddenly it was quiet in the house. Too quiet. They could only hear themselves breathing.

PART 3

            The house was too quiet; not a sound could be heard from downstairs except the indistinctive chatter on the TV. Then SPL and SSS heard footsteps on the stairs. Someone was slowly coming up the stairs. SPL and SSS hugged each other because they were scared, but they made sure that the door was locked.

            Suddenly a light shined under the bathroom door. The upstairs hallway light had been turned on. The footsteps came down the hallway and stopped in front of the door. The light under the door was partly block; maybe it was a shadow. The doorknob turned, then stopped. SPL and SSS got ready for a fight.

            “SSS and SPL? Are you two all right? It’s me. MP. You can unlock the door and come out now.”

            SPL and SSS recognized MP’s voice, so they opened the door ready to run out and hug MP, but the YW stood in front of them and she was talking with MP’s voice. She sounded just like MP. Even her laugh was like MP’s.

            SPL shoved SSS back into the bathroom and tried to slam the door shut, but the YW put her hand out and held the door open. Then the YW laughed, but it sounded more like a scream. It was a scary and mean-sounding laugh. Then she changed back to her own voice.

            YW: “Fooled you really good, didn’t I, you ugly creatures?” Then the YW used her magic wand to wrap them up in clear, magic paper making SSS and SPL feel like they were in a clear, plastic bag. They couldn’t get out and were somehow prevented from using their special powers. The YW dragged the bag downstairs, bumping SPL and SSS on every step.

            “Hurts, huh?” the YW growled, then laughed. This time the laugh was so high pitched and loud that it hurt the kids’ ears. They both stuck their fingers into their ears to relieve the pain.

            The kids were dragged into the kitchen where MP was lying on the floor. He had a cut on his forehead and his white fur was red with blood at the injured spot.

            “I’ve been waiting a long time to have my revenge on the three of you, especially on that white-haired, giant rabbit friend of yours. I went all the way to Africa to get this special want. It was made for me by a powerful witch doctor. It’s made from the magical GOOBERTURD (Goo-ber-turd) tree. I knew that I needed a more powerful wand to beat your Pooka’s magic powers. And, as you can see, it worked.” The YW pointed to MP lying on the floor, then pointed the wand at SSS and SPL, saying, “Worked on the both of you, too.”

            The YW opened the clear bag, letting SPL and SSS out. She told the kids to stand by MP, Now the clear gag changed into a shield, like a clear wall from which SPL an SSS could not escape. The new magic had given the YW much stronger powers. The only good thing about this situation was that SPL and SSS could now see that MP was breathing. He must be knocked-out, and unconscious, they thought.

            The YW went to the kitchen cupboard and removed a box of salt. She poured a glass of water, then poured salt into it, then stirred it up. Next, she turned and said, “I heard you talking in the bathroom. Now I know your secret, little boy. And guess what? This salt water drink is for you.” She grinned evilly.

            Then the YW reached into her pocket and pulled out a small bottle that said the word POISON on it. There was also a picture of a skull, with bones across its face to make an “X” shape. She opened the bottle and put a few drops of the poison into a different glass of water, then said, “And this is for you, my sweet, little girl.”

            The YW walked to the table and set the two glasses on it. The glass of water for SSS looked milky due to the salt, but SPL’s glass of water looked perfectly clear, it’s hidden danger was invisible. She waved her magic want and the clear shield disappeared.

            SPL and SSS had never been so afraid in all their life.

            “Drink, you awful, smelly brats!” she screamed at them, “or I’ll kill your freaky, stupid Pooka! I’ll kill him with my extra strong magic from my extra strong magic wand and you’ll never see that freak again. Do it now or I’ll also make him die screaming in pain.”

            SSS and SPL walked to the table. They were so scared that their hands shook when they picked up their glass. SSS brought the glass of salt water close to his lips and SPL did the same with the glass of poisoned water ………..then they vanished as their glasses fell to the floor and shattered, leaving a pool of spreading water on the floor. When the salt water and the poisoned water mixed, the pool of water started sizzling and burning into the floor.

            The YW screamed so loudly, with frustrated and furious anger, that the light bulbs in the kitchen ceiling all popped leaving the YW standing in the dark..

PART 4

            MP had thrown magic powder on SSS and SPL to make them disappear. Then Pooka sprang up off the floor, sprayed the YW with his magic powder and turned the witch into a crazy, yellow chicken. The chicken was flapping its wings, making clucking sounds and trying to fly. It accidentally stepped into the burning liquid on the floor and started dancing and clucking as the liquid burned its feet.

            Quickly, MP grabbed the YW’s magic want and ran out the door. As he ran, he saw something very scary. The sky darkened and blocked out the sun’s rays. In the dark sky MP saw a huge, black vulture coming to eat human flesh, especially children’s flesh because it’s meat is the most tender and deliciously sweet.

            Pooka threw magic powder at the vulture ,but the magic powder did not reach it because it was too high in the sky Then Pooka tried the YW’s magic wand, but nothing happened. It must be, MP thought, that the wand only works for the YW. Pooka kept running as fast as he could. He ran to the woods and when he was out of sight of the vulture, MP dropped the magic wand into a hollow tree, then kept on running

            The vulture screeching while it chased MP and was just about to catch him when the Pooka suddenly ran behind a tree and threw magic powder into the vulture’s face. The vulture, whose name was Volta, smashed into the tree so hard that its beak stuck into the bark and his eyes nearly popped out of his head. But Volta pulled himself free, feeling only a little dizzy while his eyes rolled around in his head.

            MP sprang out from behind the tree and splashed Volta with more magic powder. The white powder floated onto Volta like snow landing on a small tree and covered him completely. Volta turned completely white, but MP’s magic did not make Volta weak. It just made him look white. Volta shook his body and all the white magic powder fell onto the ground. Volta was not hurt at all as he laughed at MP.

            Volta grabbed MP around the neck with the claws of one foot and said, “I like eating rabbits, and you are so big that my friends and I can have a feast and you can’t stop us because your magic does not work against birds. MP thought, My magic doesn’t work on birds? I didn’t know that. I never tried it before.

            After Volta told MP that his magic did not work on birds, Volta pointed his sharp beak at MP’s heart as if he were going to stab the Pooka and kill him.

            Then Volta screamed at MP, “Where are those tasty children? Where is that magic wand? I will bring you back to the YW and my vulture friends and I will skin you and eat the muscles right off your bones after we cook you. You’ll be very tasty.” Volta laughed so hard that one of its feathers flew off its body and stuck into the ground like a sharp knife.

            MP would not tell Volta where the children were so Volta brought MP back to his house and put him into a very strong cage. MP watched as Volta and his friends made a big fire. Then Volta and ten more scary-looking vultures walked toward MP and all of them started screaming, “Eat him. Eat him. Eat him now.”

PART 5

            SPL and SSS heard a ringing noise in the woods. They followed the noise to a hollow tree. They looked inside the hollow tree and saw something glowing. SPL did not want to reach into the hole because there might be spiders and snakes or even worms in there, so SSS reached into the hole, then suddenly screamed, “SPL I’m stuck. Something has got me. Oh it hurts. I think it’s eating my fingers off.”

            SPL started pulling on SSS to get him away from the tree. SSS yelled, “Now it eating off my wrist and soon it’ll be eating my arm off. Pull harder. Harder!”

            SPL pulled with all her strength and suddenly she pulled SSS out away from the tree. They both crashed to the ground. SPL and SSS stood up. SPL looked at SSS’s arm and was shocked. Nothing was wrong with it at all. It just held the YW’s magic wand which stopped ringing and glowing.

            “I was just kidding,” SSS said as he laughed at SPL. SPL was mad at SSS for playing that trick on her when she was really worried that something was eating his fingers, wrist and arm off. SSS hugged SPL and said he was sorry for worrying her. SPL forgave him, but inside her head she was thinking, “Boys are so immature.”

            SPL and SSS walked a little way away from the hollow tree and saw a black feather stuck into the ground. SPL picked up the feather. SSS still had the YW’s magic wand in his hand.

            But then they both spotted some white powder on the ground, then they saw some white fur and knew that MP had been there and that some black bird had captured him. They followed MP’s steps back to his house were they hid behind the shed. They saw a big fire and wondered what it was for. Then they saw ten mean-looking birds, and one giant one, grabbing and pulling at MP to get him out of a cage. Dozens of other vultures stood around cheering their friends.

            SPL and SSS looked at each other. SSS whispered to SPL, “They’re going to cook MP in that fire.”

            Pooka was fighting, struggling to get loose, but he was helpless against so many birds. He wondered why his magic powder did not work on them. MP could feel the heat from the fire as he was being dragged closer and closer to it. Finally, Volta and his friends had MP so close to the fire that MP’s fur started to burn and turn black with smoke rising into the air.

            SPL said to SSS, “We have to help him. How are we going to help him?”

            SSS and SPL ran out from behind the shed screaming as loud as they could. The vultures were so shocked they just stood there and looked at SPL and SSS running at them, waving things in their hands.

            At the same time SPL touched ten of the vultures who were trying to pull Pooka into the fire. Volta, however, got away. The ten vultures froze and could not move even though they could still see and hear. Then SSS blew at the vultures with a wind that was so strong that it was like a hurricane. The ten vultures were blown across the lawn and fell down like statues being knocked over and unable to move. Most of the other vultures flew away fearfully.

            The remaining vultures flew at SPL and SSS. SPL couldn’t freeze them all. There were too many of them. MP grabbed the black feather out of SPL’s hand and threw it into the fire. Black smoke rose into the air and, immediately, those vultures started screaming in pain. When that feather burned in the fire they felt like they were burning, too. So they all flew away above the dark clouds where they were safe. All of them except Volta.

            Volta did not let the pain bother him. He was so mean that pain did not have its full effects on him, so, quickly, he started to fly away with the other vultures. When Pooka, SSS and SPL were not looking, Volta flew back behind them, then swooped in on them like a jet airplane, his red, evil eyes flashing with madness and his very long and sharp beak opened all the way so he could take a big bite out of MP’s butt.

PART 6

            Volta was speeding toward MP, SSS and SPL, with his sharp beak open. He thought about biting MP, then he wondered how it would taste to bite SPL or SSS. He would have loved to bite one of them, just to taste their blood. but he didn’t do that. He had a new idea. With his beak he grabbed the wand out of SSS’s hand, turned, flew through the screen door and into the kitchen where the YW chicken was still flapping around and clucking crazily.

            A spark, then a flash of light shot out of the magic wand and into the YW chicken when Volta got close to it. Volta dropped the wand just as the chicken turned back into the YW. The mad, mean, terrible YW grabbed the wand and said, “Volta, you are my favorite. Thank you for the help. You will be rewarded later. Right now I need help to destroy that Pooka and those two awful and stinky kids.”

            Volta opened his beak and said, in a deep, evil voice, “Yes, I would enjoy that very much.”

            The YW and Volta walked out of the kitchen, out the back door and onto the lawn, where the fire was. MP, SSS and SPL were standing still and staring at them.

            MP told SPL and SSS that his magic powder did not work on Volta. SPL said she would freeze him and SSS could blow him away.

            The YW said, “I want the Pooka for myself. Volta, you can have those very tasty-looking brats. I just want a lot of that rabbit meat. That Pooka will by my dinner.” The YW and Volta charged at MP, SSS and SPL. Sparks from the fire flew into the air like furious fireflies when the YW and the Pooka fought each other. It looked like the fight would end quickly because MP had been weakened by his capture and his struggles against ten vultures, but MP was brave and he would not give up.

            Meanwhile, Volta flew at SPL and SSS and tried to gouge their eyes out with his dangerously sharp claws. But SSS blew him out of the air and he fell to the ground. He got up fast, and SPL was ready to touch-freeze him, but Volta flew a little off the ground and SPL just had enough time to touch Volta’s foot as SSS blew at him. Volta froze while trying to fly away. He could not move his wings. He flew into the fire, screeching, now that he really felt the pain, then he burned up until there were only ashes left of him.

            There was blood on MP’s fur and blood on the YW’s face. The Pooka’s fur was ripped, scratched and cut, while the YW’s black robe was cut up and looked like long strips of rags. Her yellow hat had fallen off and was being stepped on by both she and MP. MP kicked the hat into the fire and the YW screamed at him.

            The YW said, “I’m wasting my time with you. I’ll just use my new magic wand and finish this fight by killing you quickly.”

            It didn’t look like MP had enough energy and power to protect himself against that wand.

            The YW shot fire, bullets, stones and knives at MP and MP felt sad because he knew that he was going to die. His last thoughts were of SSS and SPL. He loved them so much.

            But, suddenly, before the fire, bullets, stones and knives could reach MP, they all blew away. SSS had used his powerful breath to blow them away from MP.

            Then SPL yelled to MP, “Grab that wand and throw it into the fire.”

            MP heard SPL and knew that it was a good idea. He thought, That’s why I call her smart princess Lily. Then he thought, I sure am glad that strong spider-man Slone is here, too, or the fire, bullets, stones and knives would have killed me.

            But he felt weak and sluggish, though he saw that the YW was very tired, too. He used the rest of his energy and power to bend over and rush toward the YW. The YW’s wand threw fire at him, but it went over his back. When MP reached the YW, he slapped her and grabbed  her new wand. He didn’t know if the wand would work again her so he wanted to get rid of it fast. He raised his hand to throw the wand, but was so weak that it slipped out of his hand and onto the ground where the YW dove for it.

            SSS saw the danger and blew the wand off the ground and into the fire just before the YW landed on the ground where the wand used to be.

            The YW acted like she was burning and screamed, making awful, scary noises as she got up and ran away.

            SPL said, “Maybe I can catch her and freeze her.”

            “No. Please don’t do that,” said MP. “I’m not sure if your touch-freeze will work on her. If it didn’t then she would capture you. I don’t want to take that chance. We are safe now, for a while any way.

            MP, SSS and SPL put out the fire, then, after a couple hours of rest, they fixed the screen door and the kitchen floor. Then they sat at the kitchen table and rested again while they drank a special kind of juice called DASJUICE (Da’s-juice). It was MP’s very special juice. It helped restore his power and energy and it tasted wonderful. He liked sharing it with his two friends.

            MP felt better, so he made some toast, spread butter on it, then cut off the crusty edges and cut the remaining toast into small squares. Lily and Slone liked it that way.

            After their snack and their discussion about the attack on them, MP smiled and said that SPL and SSS needed to take a nap.

            SSS and SPL looked at him like he was crazy.

            “We don’t take naps any more, MP. We are too big to take naps,” said SSS.

            MP could hardly keep himself from laughing (he was playing a joke on the kids) and tried to make his face look serious. MP said, “You need to rest or I’ll have to call the police and have them come here and arrest you for resisting-a-rest.”

            “What?” said both SPL and SSS. They thought the Pooka had been hit on the head by the YW and he wasn’t thinking straight. They stared at the MP.

            MP couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer and he exploded with loud, constant laughter. He laughed so hard that he couldn’t talk.

            Now SPL and SSS were even more confused as MP kept laughing so hard that it really did look like he was crazy. The kids didn’t understand what was happening.

            MP had a hard time stopping his laughter, but when he finally did, he said, “No. I was just kidding. You don’t have to take a nap. I was making a joke when I said the police would come and arrest you for “resisting-a-rest.”

            SSS said, “I don’t get it.”

            SPL said, “Me either.”

            “Well, I guess it’s a joke for adults, but maybe I can explain it. You see, sometimes the police have to arrest bad people and bring them to jail. Sometimes those people resist getting arrested, which mean they fight not to get arrested by the police. So now the police can also charge them with resisting arrest. Do you see how resisting arrest from the police sounds like resisting-a-rest when you won’t take a nap?

            SPL and SSS looked at each other. SSS said, “Yeah, we get it,” then both Slone and Lily squeezed their nose to show MP that they thought the joke was stinky.

            Then they all laughed together and had a group hug.

THE END

POOKA BATTLES THE WITCH

June 2010

            MP went on vacation from Florida to New York State. He was happy to get away from the witches that were always creating trouble for him and his friends. But he still missed his friends, especially his best friends, Princess Lily and Prince Slone.

            When MP got to NY he was still thinking of his two best friends, so he decided to buy them a gift. He walked to the bank and got one-hundred dollars from his account.

            But before he could leave the bank, an old lady came into the bank with a gun. She took all the money from the bank and all of MP’s money, too. The old lady laughed at all the people and called the MP a stupid, fat rabbit who should not be on vacation. She said that MP should be out in a field eating dirty carrots. Then the old lady walked out of the door and disappeared. All that was left of her was some stray straw scattered on the bank steps.

            The police came, but the old lady had already escaped. The police knew that MP was a good rabbit and asked him to help them find the old lady. MP remembered what the old lady had said. He told the police that she said that he shouldn’t be on vacation. But how did she know that he was on vacation? Somehow, he told the police, she must know me and she followed me to NY.

            When the Pooka and the police lady looked outside, they saw the straw on the steps and on the sidewalk. MP knew right away who the old lady was. The straw must have come from one of his witch enemies. The straw was from her broom stick which she must have used to fly away.

            The next day MP called Lily’s and Slone’s mommy and papa to ask if they could come to NY to help him find the witch. Their mommy and papa agreed and MP sent his special Pooka plane to get them in Florida and bring them back to NY.

            Right away MP, Lily and Slone started searching for the bad witch. It was not too hard to find her because the MP remembered that the Florida bad witches had a sister who lived in NY’s Catskill Mountains. She didn’t live too far away from where MP, Lily and Slone were. The sinister sister witch lived far out into the forest where no one could see the mean things she did to make all of her black cats mean creatures. She would often kick the cats to make them mean. She wouldn’t give them very much food or water. The mean cats chased all the other animals away from her house. Sometimes the cats would bring back dead mice, chipmunks, birds, squirrels and even bigger animals like rabbits to show the witch just how mean they were. Then the witch would feed them because they made her happy. If she was extra mean and didn’t feed them, then the cats ate the animals that they caught.

            Sometimes hunters were in the woods, or moms and dads walking with their children. The cats would sneak up on them and attack their legs, biting and scratching them until the adults and children ran away screaming and bleeding.

            The first thing the three friends and the police lady did was to go see the animal doctor, who is called a veterinarian. They asked the doctor if he took care of a lot of black cats. He told them that an old lady lives deep in the forest and that she had many black cats, but she never brings them in to see him. The doctor said that the old lady once told him that she didn’t care if they got hurt, or even if they died. The doctor told the friends where the old lady lived and they all got into the police car and drove to her spooky-looking house.

            When the police car stopped in front of the house, the cats started howling and hissing  as if they were in terrible pain. The noise warned the old lady witch and her sister that they had unwanted visitors. When the old ladies saw that it was a police car, they ran out the back door, then into the barn and hid. They looked at each other, afraid and wondering what was going on.

            One witch had snot rubbed all over her face because she never used a tissue to blow her nose. The other witch’s face was so dirty that all you could see was the white part of her eyes. Her teeth were so brown and black that you couldn’t see them, even if she opened her mouth wide. Both witches’ tongues were sticking out like wiggling, slimy worms.

            Miss Booger Face witch and Miss Dirty Face witch realized that they could not fly away because they had left their brooms in the house. They were mad at each other for leaving the bank money in the house, too. They remained very quiet and hidden inside the barn.

            MP, Prince Slone, Princess Lily and the police lady entered the house because the door was open so the cats could come and go from the house. They found the money bag on the table. The police lady placed it into her car, then locked the car and went back into the house. But the witches couldn’t be found. They knew that there were two witches because the table had two plates with squirrel guts on them and two glasses of worm and snake juice; a bit of a snake’s tail was floating at the top of both glasses.

            MP thought he could smell the witches because witches feet always stink like poopy. MP, Lily, Slone and the police lady walked out the back door of the house and walked toward the barn. When they got inside the barn they accidentally stepped in horse and piggy poopy. The poopy was so smelly that MP could not smell the witches anymore.

            They all looked and looked inside the barn, but they couldn’t find those bad witches. MP knew that he needed to call Slone’s friend, Spider Man, and call Lily’s friend, Wonder Woman to help with the search. MP sent Slone and Lily to the car, with the police lady so they could call Spider Man and Wonder Woman to help them with the search for the evil witches.

            MP knew that the witches must have stepped in the horse and piggy poopy, too, so if they left the barn, Pooka would be able to smell their stinky poopy feet and catch them.

            Spider Man (SM) and Wonder Woman (WW) flew to the witch’s forest farm and hugged the Pooka because they were his friends, too. MP introduced the police lady, to the two new helpers. WW saw the witches brooms still in the house and said the witches will try to make new brooms, then fly away. The brooms could be made of strands of hay, instead of straw, attached to a regular broom handle, or rake or shovel handle.

            And that’s what the witches were doing after they jumped out of their hiding place from under a pile of hay. They found an old broken broom and rake handle, then tied strands of hay to it to make their magic flying brooms. They brought the brooms to the back door of the barn, opened the door quietly, then got on their newly made flying brooms. But these witches didn’t just have stinky feet. When they got on their brooms, they farted to help lift them into the air. It worked ,but it left a brown cloud of stink at the back door of the barn. The fart cloud was so stinky and strong that all the horses and pigs fell asleep when they breathed it.

            MP saw them first. Immediately he used his magic powder to give him flying magic. He flew into the air to stop Miss Booger Face and Miss Dirty Face, but he wasn’t fast enough, so they got away. At the same time Slone told SM to spin a web. SM did that and threw the web at the witches, but now they were too far away to catch them in the web.

            Princess Lily and Prince Slone tried to scare the witches by turning on the loud siren from the police car. But the witches just laughed so hard that green, snotty, slimy booger shot out of their noses while they farted again and again so they could go faster and faster. But they laughed too hard, not seeing where they were going and crashed into a tree. They picked the snot off their faces so they could see better.

            SM and WW quickly flew Lily and Slone to the tree without being noticed. Princess Lily and Prince Slone climbed the tree, where the witcvhes were sitting on a branch, and set the hay on the witches brooms on fire with extra strong magic powder that MP had given them. The witches started screaming because the fire was not just burning the hay; it was also burning their butts.

            Then WW took her magic rope out and threw it at the witches as the witch’s brooms were burning hotter and hotter and the witches were screaming louder and louder. Now they were stuck in a tree as the magic rope flew through the air and landed around them. WW yelled for help so SM, plus Princess Lily and Prince Slone also grabbed the rope. They all pulled the stinky-feet witches until they were pulled out of the tree and landed hard on the ground with their burning butts showing through their burned clothes. Then they peed down their legs and made yellow mud-puddles in the dirt. Now everyone laughed at the yellow witch and her sister. They were furious but before they could do anything, MP grabbed the garden hose and sprayed water into the, muddy pool of pee. The mud splashed onto the witch’s clothes and faces.

            Princess Lily shook the tree and a lot of leaves fell down on the witches and stuck to the mud on their faces. The witches looked like they were bushes with eyes.

            Then SM threw a spider web all around the witches and MP took the police handcuffs and hand cuffed the witches hands behind their backs.

            The police lady, Princess Lily and Prince Slone opened the police car door to put the witches inside, but MP did not like the muddy pee-pee smell, plus the witches stinky, poopy-feet would make everybody cry and cough and sneeze; maybe even throw-up in the car, so MP opened the trunk of the police car and shoved the witches into it. Everyone laughed at the witches which made steamy anger shoot from their noses and mouths, plus their eyes bulged as they swore to get even with the Pooka and his friends. Now the witches started sneezing because their own stinkiness irritated their noses. They kept on sneezing until they blew slimy boogers all over the inside of the police car trunk, which made them slip and slide back and forth inside the trunk every time the car turned on its way to the jail.

            The witches were finally put in jail for thirty days. They couldn’t get any food until they said, “please,” and “thank you.” They had to be nice (which they hated) and they each had to pay a one-hundred dollar fine, which was used to give party for all the good boys and girls who listened to and obeyed their mommies and poppas.

THE END

MP and the Yellow Witch

June, 2010

            MP walked down the road. He was waving to his friends when, suddenly, yellow car stopped next to him. The back door opened and hands reached out to pull him into the car. It was the frightening Yellow Witch, who was the leader of all the other bad witches in the mountain cave. The only worse, and higher ranking witch was the black witch, who lived hidden even from the other witches.

            The yellow witch drove a yellow car, called the a banana-mobile. The banana-mobile peeled-out (J) and shot down the road as fast as a rocket.

            Poor MP was now tied up in the back seat and could not get away. The yellow witch had powerful magic since her trip to Africa to see a witch doctor. She waved her magic wand and made it so Pooka could not even talk. He had banana-peel tape across his mouth. But M could see that she was dressed all in yellow. Even her hat and wand were yellow. The yellow color was so bright that MP had to squint when he looked at her ugly face with it long banana nose.

            The yellow witch had a nose just like a banana and when she got sunburned it peeled just like a banana. He eyes were like black olives and her lips looked like two dancing worms. He chin had brown spots on it as if the worms went poopy on it. She was extra ugly. She looked back at MP and screamed, “I’m going to put you in my special jail and feed you lots of food. Then when you’re nice and fat, I’m going to put you into a big pot or boiling water with onions, carrots and potatoes to make a yummy rabbit soup. Then we’ll have a party and all my witch friends will eat you.” The yellow witch laughed at Pooka, then shouted, “But I get to eat your eyeballs and your nose. I love eyeballs because when I bite then, the juice squirts all over my mouth and tastes so good. Your nose will taste like snot, but I like to eat snot because it is so soft, slimy and creamy. Eyeballs and soft boogers don’t hurt my rotten, smelly teeth as I’m chewing You can bet that we are going to make a feast of you.”

            The Yellow Witch carried Pooka to the jail that was in her secret mountain cave. After he was locked up, she used her magic to untie him and let him talk….but Pooka didn’t say anything; he just stared at her, wishing that he could call his friends, Lily and Slone, to help him escape.

            MP thought about his two friends. He thought about them so hard that that his friend, Mr. Owl heard his thoughts. Mr. Owl landed on the jail window ledge. Pooka asked him to find his friends and tell them that he was captured by the Yellow Witch, brought to Witch Mountain, and was in jail in one of the mountain caves. Mr. Owl flew away saying, Whoo? Whoo?” MP laughed at Mr. Owl’s joke and said, “You know who, so get going.” Mr. Owl screeched pleasantly and flew away as fast as he could.

            Then Mean witches flew in from far away so they could eat the Pooka rabbit soup. Each day Pooka was fed a lot of food and he was getting fatter and fatter. Soon the Yellow Witch would tie him up and all the witches would watch her throw MP into the boiling water. All the bad witches were excited and were hungry to eat large portions of the Pooka soup.

            The Yellow Witch said, “Nobody eats the eyeballs and nose except me.”

            The Purple Witch said, “I want to eat Pooka’s fingers and toes.”

            The Black Witch said, “I want to eat Pooka’s butt. Yum, yum, yummy.”

            The Green Witch wanted Pooka’s arms and the brown witch wanted Pooka’s legs, the red witch wanted Pooka’s belly, and the blue witch wanted to eat Pooka’s chest.

            They all yelled, “Pooka, Pooka, you’re a treat. All your body we will eat. Kill the Pooka now. Let’s eat him now!” Then all the bad witches danced around the huge pot of boiling water that sitting over the fire.

            Pooka tried to use his magic powers to escape, but for some reason, his magic powder did not work. he thought about it, then realized that the Yellow Witch had put something in his food so his magic would not work.

            After Mr. Owl gave them the message, Princess Lily (PL) and Prince Slone (PS). They went as fast as they could but didn’t, but didn’t get to Witch Mountain until night time. Now they could not see anything. But when they flew over the nest mountain, they saw the fires. The witches had made many campfires, all in a circle, but they were still dancing around the middle fire where the Pooka was ready to be cooked. They could see the water that was bubbling at a rapid boil. When PS and PL got closer, they could see the vegetables in the pot. There were: potatoes, carrots, celery, lots of worms and bat wings and other unknown things.

            It was almost time to tie up the Pooka with rope and throw him into the pot, so PL and PS, using some magic powder that MP had given them for emergencies, flew down to a tall tree to get a better look at the witches. PL and PS wondered why the witches had built so many fires. it was so easy to see them. Then PL said, “I know why. They wanted us to see them. They must have a trap set for anyone who tries to rescue MP.” PS agreed, then said that he would use this webs (that Spider Man taught him to make) to use to fly closer. But when he shot his webs out, they all burned-up quickly from the heat of all the fires. He and PL were stuck in the tree.

            But PL said to PS, “We have to sneak up close, in the dark and try to get in the cave unseen. They climbed down the tree and sneaked close to the cave. They hid behind some bushes and boulders.

            The Yellow Witch (YW) walked right by them and wiggled her nose. Then she sneezed. She thought that she smelled the stink of humans. But the wind blew the smell away and she walked away.

            Quietly, PS and PL got into the cave. They found the jail, but the door was already open and the jail was empty. The Pooka was gone.

            The two friends wondered if the YW had him already. Then they heard MP screaming.

            But it wasn’t really the Pooka who was screaming. It was really Mr. Owl screeching so he could warn PL and PS. PL and PS heard the Owl and ran toward the cave’s entrance where they hid behind the same bushes and bolder.

            PS said, “If I can push this boulder down this little hill, it will hit the soups pot and tip it over.”

            PL answered, “That’s a great idea, but are you strong enough?”

            PS showed PL that he was strong enough when he pushed he boulder and it rolled into the boiling pot of water and vegetables. The pot tipped over and the boiling water splashed on the bad witches. It burned them and they screamed. They all jumped on their brooms, except tor the YW, and flew to a nearby lake where they jumped into the cold water that made their burns feel better. They didn’t care about the Pooka soup anymore because they were in pain.

            YW was very mad at PS so she used her magic want to shoot fire at him. But PL shot his webs at a tree and flew to the tree so the fire could not hit him.

            YW didn’t see PL because YW was looking at PS.

            While the YW was distracted, PL stole a knife from the dinner table and snuck over to MP. The Pooka smiled at PL as she cut the ropes that tied his arms and legs. When he was free, Mr. Owl screeched and told Pooka and Pl to follow him into the woods.

            MP and PL didn’t see the YW throw a magic lasso around PS. PS couldn’t move now. The YW had captured him and she grinned at him with delight, but her face was mean.

            The YW put PS in her jail before she went to hunt PL and that awful trouble maker, MP, who once captured her bad witch father and sent him to jail for the rest of his life.

            Pooka told PL that the YW put something in his food that took all his power away.

            PL said, “Oh! I know what it was. It’s like a poison only it doesn’t kill you; it makes you weak. It’s called ketch-muster and the only way to make it go away is to eat the tail of a mouse.

            Mr. Owl heard what PL said and told her that he would go catch a mouse for MP. In no time at all, Mr. Owl captured a mouse. But Mr. Owl told the mouse that he wouldn’t eat him (owls love to eat mice) if he would give them his tail. The mouse agreed, not only to save his life, but because he knew that his tail had no feeling in it. It was like a human finger nail, so if you cut it, nothing could be felt.

            So Mr. Owl bit off the mouse’s tail and let him go. MP ate the tail and in five minutes he had all his power back. Now he wanted to find PS, but PL said the YW must have put PS in her jail.

            Pooka said, “PS’s webs won’t work on the YW. She’s too powerful. My magic might be as powerful as her magic. That’s why she wanted me to eat that ketch-muster, because after I ate it I’d be too weak to fight her. Now I’m going into the cave to find our friend.”

            PL said, “That’s too dangerous, Even if your magic is stronger than her magic, she may have times to really hurt PS.”

            Pooka said, “OK PL, what do you think I should do?”

            PL said, “I think Mr. Owl should fly to the lake and steal two witch’s cloths. Then you can use your magic to make one big witch outfit. It will make you look like a witch that’s just as big as the YW.

            Mr. Owl screeched, then flew away to steal the witch’s clothes.

            Mr. Owl flew to the lake, but he didn’t just steal two witch’s clothes. He stole all of their clothes and their brooms. so now they would all be naked when they came out of the water.

            They wouldn’t be able to fly w\away and the cold weather would make their butts all turn blue.

            Mr. Owl hid the clothes and brooms in a deep hole, then flew back with two witches clothes. Pooka used magic to turn the two witch’s clothes into one big outfit for Pooka to wear. He even had a big hat to wear that hid his rabbit face. Pooka dipped his white hands in mud to make them look dirty like a witch’s hands.

            Pooka, PL and Mr. Owl had to decide how they could save PS.

            “We will not leave PS,” PL said. “We must stay and rescue him no matter what it takes.”

            Pooka and Mr. Owl agreed, so they all thought real hard and came up with a plan to save SP.

            They all went to the YW cave, but now the cave had a thick metal door. But Pooka’s magic powder was very strong and gave him great power. Pooka grabbed the door handle and hinges, pulled with all his power and ripped the door away, then he threw it into the woods as if it was a paper airplane.

            The witch waited for him to come through the doorway, then shot a ball of fire at him Pooka just pushed the fire ball away and threw white magic powder on the YW.

            The witch didn’t see PL and Mr. Owl go to the jail and released PS. PL hugged PS for her help, but then rushed to help Pooka PS tackled the YW, knocking her to the ground. MP gave PS more magic powder so he could hold the witch, then Pooka stole and broke YW’s mage wand. PS’s web would work now that the YW was weak, so PS wrapped YW up like a cocoon. Pooka picked her up, brought her to the lake and threw her into the freezing cold water.

            The other witches were so cold they stole all her clothes and would not help her, even when her butt turned to ice and her boogers turned to icicles. Pooka, PL, PS and Mr. Owl went home to have a party because they beat the mighty YW and all her bad witch friends.

THE END

Bert Sheehan

5 O’Shea Lane

Cork, Ireland

Dear Lily,

            You found my four-leaf clover. Thank you so much for returning it to me with your leprechaun picture. It looks real good on that green paper. I like green a lot. That’s a real nice hat, too. And you drew a heart in my chest. I hope that’s because you love me because I love you just like I do your mommy.

            The orange train was colored wonderfully. The Easter stickers are cute. That’s because you are beautiful and you picked out the best and prettiest stickers.

            You sure can color really well for being 5 years old. The pictures look like they were drawn and colored by an 8 year old girl. Wow! You are really talented. Keep up the good work.

            Soon I will be going on a trip, so I won’t be home for a few days. If you send me something, it may take me longer to answer you. But don’t worry. I’ll do it when I get back home.

            I love you Lily. I hope you are being good for your mommy and papa. Da says that sometimes you don’t control yourself. But I know you can do it.

I Love you, Bert

Bert Sheehan

5 O’Shea Lane

Cork, Ireland

Dear Lily,

I was pleased when your Da sent me your pictures of your Momma, Papa, Slone and you. I liked the picture of the house and tree also.

How did you know what my dog looked like? Did your Momma or Da tell you? Well, my dear Lily, you were very close. Your picture does look like my dog. Do you know the name of my dog? His name is Licorice because he is all black.

Did you know that when your Momma was a little girl, she used to have a cat named Licorice. She loved that kitty very much so when I got a black dog, I also named him Licorice.

I’m sending a picture of me. I hope you like it. Your Momma (when she was a little girl) thought that I was very handsome. I hope you do too.

Your friend, Bert

April 18, 2011

Dearest Lily,

            Your Da sent me some pictures that you drew. I like the rainbow and pot of gold the best. But the drawings of me, my wife and Licorice are wonderful, too.

            I cannot sent a real gold coin because it is too valuable, so I am sending you one that I do magic with. I hope you will like it.

            You momma and papa must be proud of you. You act so grown-up (your Da told me that you have good behavior and are nice to people). You must be such a very nice girl.

            I hope you will be helpful to your mom and dad and do what they tell you. I hope that you say “please” when you want something.

I love you, Lily, Bert

Bert Sheehan

5 O’Shea Lane

Cork, Ireland

April 30, 2011

Dear Lily,

You found my four-leaf clover. Thank you so much for returning it to me with your leprechaun picture. It looks real good on that green paper. I like green a lot. That’s a real nice hat, too. And you drew a heart in my chest. I hope that’s because you love me because I love you just like I do your mommy.

The orange train was colored wonderfully. The Easter stickers are cute. That’s because you are beautiful and you picked out the best and prettiest stickers.

You sure can color really well for being 5 years old. The pictures look like they were drawn and colored by an 8 year old girl. Wow! You are really talented. Keep up the good work.

Soon I will be going on a trip, so I won’t be home for a few days. If you send me something, it may take me longer to answer you. But don’t worry. I’ll do it when I get back home.

I love you Lily. I hope you are being good for your mommy and papa. Da says that sometimes you don’t control yourself. But I know you can do it.

I Love you very much, Bert

Bert Sheehan

5 O’Shea Lane

Cork, Ireland

May 10, 2011

Dear Slone,

I didn’t know you could draw a leprechaun, but I sure did like that picture and the other one that you drew for me (I don’t know what that picture was so you’ll have to tell me the next time you sent something to me). Keep drawing and writing letters and you will be a really smart boy. You are pretty smart already, right?

Your Da told me he has a nice time playing with you and Lily. He thinks that he will fly a kite with you when it is a windy day (Lily too).

Your Da went to karate last night and the teacher told me I was all ready to test on May 5th. But, guess what? Your Da won’t be home so he won’t be able to test. I’ll be at a wedding, but that’s OK. It’s not a big deal. Last summer I missed a test, too. No big deal, right buddy?

Your Da wants to bring you to karate lesson when you get a couple years older. He thinks it will be fun for you and teach you how to defend yourself and protect you mommy and sister.

I love you, Slone. Your friend, Bert

Bert Sheehan

5 O’Shea Lane

Cork, Ireland

May 20, 2011

Dear Lily and Slone,

            I want to tell you that I will soon be going on a vacation and won’t be able to answer your letters for a while. I may be back by July. Wow! Guess what? You mommy and Da’s birthdays are in July. But your mommy is much younger than your Da. Your Da is old, like me.

            Yes, I will bring my wife and two kids with me. We are going to China. It’s a beautiful place, unless you have allergies. The people in China who have allergies are called Chine .... Chine... Chine-sneeze people (funny, huh?).

            I’m going to write a letter to your Nana and Da, also, to let them know that I will be away on vacation.

            While I’m away, the vice-president will run the Leprechaun government. We don’t have hardly any trouble in Leprechaun Ville, Ireland. Sometimes we have a girl who kisses her pillow too much so we have to give her many kisses so they won’t get their pillows so wet with kisses. Sometimes we have a boy who tries to touch his nose with his tongue and his tongue gets so long that it can stick right up into his nose. So we have him hold his tongue, then say “I’m sorry,” 20 times. But worst of all is when we have boys and girls who tell too many butt jokes. For them we get a can of fart-spray, put the boys and girls in the bathroom, spray the bathroom and make those kids stay in there until they say that they will stop for as long as their mommy and papa say.

I love you guys. Your friend, Bert

June 15, 2011

My Dear Friends, Lily and Slone,

            I’m on vacation, but I’m sending this letter to your Da to give to you.

            I’m so happy that we have become good friends, just like your mommy and I have been such good friends.

            Lily, your Da sent me the picture that you drew and the sea shell. You have become a really good drawer and that sea shell is so beautiful. I will keep it for good luck and to remind me of you.

            Something really funny happened to me. I’m in China, as I told you in my last letter. In China they speak a different language than we do. A lady said to me, Wicky, weewee, wanna, woopie, hotsee-totsee.” I didn’t know what that meant so I asked my wife. She told me that, “Wicky, weewee, wanna, whoopie, hotsee-totsee,” meant, “Black and yellow monkey poopy.”

            So why did the lady say that to me? Because I just stepped in a pile of it. Yuck. I looked at my green leprechaun shoes and poopy was all over them. I went into the bathroom to wash them and accidentally got water on the floor. I slipped and fell in the water. Now all my clothes were wet so I had to take them off to let them dry. I was bare-naked and cold, but all there was in the bathroom was a diaper so I put the diaper on. When I stood in the bathroom doorway, everyone laughed at me. When I looked in the mirror at myself, I looked so funny that I started laughing, too. I laughed so hard that I peed in my diaper and the white diaper turned yellow. Now we all laughed louder. Then suddenly there was a big noise. The noise was because I farted and blew the diaper away.

            The diaper flew through the air and landed on the face of my wife’s friend. Now she looked like she was wearing a wet and yellow mask.

            I ran into the bathroom and put on some different clothes and to wash my hands. After I dried my hands I reached for the door knob, but the door suddenly opened and hit me in the face. I was knocked backward into the bath tub. I tried to reach out to stop myself but I accidentally turned the shower on and got all wet again. My wife laughed and laughed as I sat in the wet tub.

            Then more people came to look at me and they all laughed, too.

            I asked my wife to help me out of the wet tub. When she reached for me, I pulled her into the tub, too. Now she was all wet. She screamed, then looked at me and we both started laughing.

            Then little Lily and little Slone came into the bathroom to see why everyone was laughing. Lily tried to help her mommy out of the tub and Slone tried to help me, but we pulled them into the tub too. Now they were all wet and laughing and splashing. Then Slone and Lily got their toy squirt guns, filled them with water and started squirting all the people who were laughing. The people started screaming and running away so they wouldn’t get wet.

            So, you see, we all had a good time even though we all got wet.

I love you, Lily and Slone,

Your friend, Bert

MP AND THE HAUNTED HOUSE

July, 2010

PART 1

            The ugly old man had no teeth. His eyes were red with evil. His nose was pointed and his finger nails were a foot long. He looked dangerous and scary, but the worst thing about him was this smell. He smelled like one-hundred farts. His name was Mr. Fartly.

            He grabbed the cat by the neck and a dog by the tail and threw them into his truck with all the other cats and dogs. All the dogs barked and all the cats meowed loudly. Mr. Fartly drove to his haunted house and put all the animals in burlap sacks, then brought them to the cellar and put them in cages.

            The top part of the house, above the cellar looked dirty. Windows were broken and there were no lights. Rats and mice roamed about and made scary noises. dark, frightening shadows were everywhere and evil ghosts that could walk through walls were waiting to hurt people if they entered their haunted house.

            Mr. Fartly was so mean that he used some of the captured cats to make dog food and some of the captured dogs to make cat food.

            Now, after a whole week, Mr. Fartly had captured all the dogs and cats in the whole town of SNIFFENSMELLER.

            The morning newspaper headlines said, “CATS AND DOGS DISAPPEAR: EVIL THIEF SOUGHT.”

            The next morning MP got a letter from almost all the little boys and girls whose pet dogs and cats were stolen away from them.. Some of the letters even had tears stains on them. All the letters asked MP to help them find their pets.

            So, right away, MP called his friends, Strong Spiderman Slone (The real Spiderman liked Slone and gave him some of his powers) and Smart Wonder Woman Lily (The real Wonder Woman liked Lily so much that she gave Lily some of her powers).

            Strong Spiderman Slone (SSS) and Smart Wonder Woman Lily (SWWL) asked their mom and papa if they could help MP and they said, “Yes, but please be careful.”

            SSS and SWWL got on their bicycles and rode them quickly to MP’s house. They saw MP waiting for them in his new Pooka-jet-plane. SSS and SWWL ran to the plane and jumped inside with MP. MP was the pilot but he asked SSS and SWWL to sit next to him because he loved them very much.

            When the plane landed at the airport, they all went to the car rental store and got a car. They MP drove to SNIFFENSMELLER. When they got there, all the children were walking up and down the streets and crying as they looked for their pets.

PART 2

            MP and his friends questioned the children and found out that a mean old man, named Mr. Fartly, just moved into the neighborhood and that he was very scary and strange because he bought the town’s haunted house and he lived in the dirty, rat-filled cellar.

            Once MP found out that Mr. Fartly had a van that could be used to hide animals, he wanted to visit Mr. Fartly’s haunted house.

            When they opened the front yard gate, a strong blast of wind knocked them down, then a stinky, fart-cloud came at them, making them choke and making their eyes water with tears. So now it was hard for them to breathe and see.. Pooka quickly threw a curtain of white, magic powder at the smelly cloud and it disappeared, but they couldn’t get into the house because the wind blowing at them was as strong as a hurricane wind.

            SSS was blown off the porch. When SWWL held up her shield to stop the wind, she was blown off the porch, too. MP held both hands up blocking the wind, but the wind was so strong that he could not enter the house. The wind was as strong as he was so MP couldn’t move it, but the wind couldn’t move MP either.

            MP decided to do something different. He ran off the porch, picked up SSS and SWWL and ran to the side of the house. He said, “We need the real Spiderman and the real Wonder Woman to help us. So SSS used Pooka’s cell phone to call the real Spiderman, then gave the phone to SWWL to call the real Wonder Woman.

            Wonder Woman (WW) picked up Spiderman (SM) in her invisible plane and they flew like a jet to the haunted house where the three friends were waiting for them.

            Pooka asked SM and WW to cover the back door so no one escaped. They ran to the back door immediately, waiting for trouble to happen, but nothing happened. So WW and SM sneaked into the back door. Nothing happened, so they walked in a little farther. Suddenly they were falling into the blackness of a pit when the trap door opened and they fell into the pit.

            Meanwhile Pooka, SSS and SWWL opened and climbed into a window. As soon as they all got into the house, a red ghost and a green ghost attacked them. Pooka splashed magic powder on them and SWWL told SSS to wrap them up in his strong webs. SSS wrapped them up so tight that they would never get out unless someone helped them.

            MP spread magic powder in SWWL hair and gave her the power to become invisible. SWWL and SSS searched down the stairs while Pooka searched up-stairs.

            A fat, blubber ghost tried to eat SSS, and he shot webs at it. But the webs just passed through the ghost, not capturing it at all. The blubber ghost rushed up to SSS and threw a strong sack over SSS’s head, then disappeared before SWWL could help SSS.

            Since SWWL was too late to help SSS, so she made herself invisible. She snuck up behind another ghost and kicked her in the hind-end so hard that it made her rubber neck stretch to the floor then bounce back up to hit the ceiling, then snap back to her shoulders. That knocked the ghost out and she laid on the floor, not moving. SWWL tied her up with magic powder ropes that would hold the nasty ghost. SWWL looked around and was sad that she could not help SSS. She hoped that he would be all right.

            Upstairs, Pooka saw a new mirror that was not broken and that was strange because almost everything in the house was old and broken and covered with dust. As Pooka walked up to it, he looked into it closely. Suddenly Pooka was sucked into the mirror. He yelled and then disappeared.

            SWWL looked around her and saw that she was all alone. She tried to find SSS, MP, SM and WW, but she couldn’t find them anywhere. Now she was all alone and really scared. She wasn’t just scared for herself. She was more scared for SSS, MP, and her other friends, SM and WW.

PART 3

            SWWL remained invisible even though she couldn’t see or hear anything moving or making noise in the whole house.

            Then she thought, What about the cellar?

            She found a door that had a little light shining under the bottom crack, where it meets the floor. she listened and heard dogs barking and cats meowing.

            SWWL also found the secret place that someone had place the door key; over the top ledge of the door frame. The key opened the door and SWWL placed the key in her pocket. She walked silently down the stairs to the cellar.

            Fartly was there but did not hear her and could not see her yet. SWWL looked around the corner and saw all the unhappy pets. Mr. Fartly was busy sharpening a knife while humming a happy tune and smiling.

            The SWWL saw all her friends, each of them in a dog cage that was anti-magic. Pooka’s magic powder would not change the cages or unlock them.

            SWWL saw a picture of two people on the wall. The two people were Mr. Fartly and the YW. SWWL suddenly realized that Mr. Fartly was the YW’s brother. She thought, No wonder Mr. Fartly is so ugly and cruel.

SWWL hid behind a tall box and made herself visible to her friends. They all smiled at her, hoping that she could rescue them. They knew she would come to save them.

Pooka saw the key in SWWL’s hand and threw magic powder on it. Now it fit the locks on their cages, so SWWL freed everybody. She hugged SSS and MP, as well as SM and WW while dumb Mr. Fartly was so busy humming loudly that he didn’t even hear the locks being unlocked.

            Fartly had been sharpening a knife and just as he turned around to skin a cat, Pooka tuned the lights off. Now the room was black. MP put on his special glasses that let him see in the dark, then silently walk to Mr. Fartly and took the knife away from him easily. Pooka threw the knife in the garbage can and magically turned the lights back on.

But Mr. Fartly was strong and grabbed the Pooka’s leg which tripped MP. SSS shot a web at Mr. Fartly, but accidentally hit MP as he was standing back up. Normally that would have been funny, but now is was too serious to be funny. MP spread magic powder over the web threads and they melted away

            While Pooka was getting free from the webs, SSS, SWWL, SM and WW rushed at Mr. Fartly, tackled him and held him down to the floor. Pooka then walked over to Mr. Fartly and tied him up.

            Fartly screamed, “BOOZA-BEEBOO, BONKERS-FOO,” and ten (10) screaming ghosts came through the walls to beat-up MP and all his friends.

PART 4

            The ten (10) evil ghosts rushed at Pooka and his friends. Pooka was ready for them. When they all escaped, Pooka had gone to the refrigerator and mixed his magic powder orange juice (OJ) which made the magic super powerful. Pooka threw the wet, orange liquid all over the ghosts and changed them back to real people. But they were still mean and ugly.

            SSS charged two ghost-men (GM) and knocked one down with a karate kick. He turned to dust and disappeared.

            SWWL made herself invisible and tripped one GM. Then she jumped on his belly and knocked all the air out of him. Then he also turned to dust and disappeared.

            And that’s what happened whenever the special friends knocked a GM down.

            WW used her wrist shield to knock one GM into the wall. The wall exploded and the GM screamed before he disappeared.

            SM changed to a real spider and pulled out all the hair of another GM. The GM ran to the bathroom screaming. He put his head in the toilet water to relieve the pain. SM pushed him into the toilet and flushed him away.

            Pooka had four GM hanging onto his arms and legs so he couldn’t use his magic powder. Pooka bit one GM’s nose off and spit it out (boogers taste awful). He grabbed a pair of pliers and yanked on another GM’s ear. His arms were free now, so he used mage to change another GM to a carrot, then ate the carrot. “Yummy, yummy in my tummy, tummy,” he said loudly. The other GM ran to Mr. Fartly and untied him while everyone was busy fighting.

            SSS saw the GM and knocked him down with a punch-web (a thick web that changes to a fist, then punches). That GM, like all of them that were knocked down, turned to dust and disappeared.

            SWWL jumped on Mr. Fartly’s back and pulled his ears so hard that his ears looked like elephant ears.

SSS rushed to help SWWL and tackled Mr. Fartly.

            SWWL grabbed a jar of peanut butter, reached into it and pulled out a large gob of it and threw it into another GM’s face. Now that GM looked like he had a poopy-face. He tried to run, but couldn’t see. SWWL hit him with her shield and he screamed as he turned to dust and disappeared.

PART 5

            The last GM tried to help Mr. Fartly get away, but SSS and SWWL worked together to defeat him. SWWL grabbed his noise and stretched it so hard that it reached the ground and then SSS stretched it more to make it long enough to wrap around the GM’s legs and it tripped him. The GM fell and his butt and farted. The fart was so powerful that he flew up to the ceiling, like a rocket, hit his head, then fell to the floor. then turned to dust and disappeared.

            Now the only one of the bad people left was the mean, old, ugly, and very stinky, Mr. Fartly.

            Fartly was shouting, “Let me go, or my sister the YW will hurt all of you!”

            Everyone was shocked.

            Pooka said, “You mean that the YW escaped the lake when she was cold and naked? I don’t believe you.”

            Fartly glared at Pooka. “I know she escaped because I’m her brother. When she escaped toe lake, she came to me for help. “Ha, ha, ha, ha,” Mr. Fartly laughed. “You are all in trouble now.”

            MP untied Mr. Fartly and made him sweep up all the piles of dust which covered the floor after the GM’s had disappeared.

            Then Pooka’s friends released all the nervous and fearful cats and dogs. They all ran home to all the sad boys and girls. Now the boy and girls were so happy that they cuddled their pets and treated them in special ways to show them that they loved them.

            Fartly was sent to jail for a year. The YW did not try to help him escape, so no one was really sure if she was really still alive, like Mr. Fartly had said she was.

            MP thanked his special friends, SSS and SWWL, and their special friends, SM and WW, for helping him and told all of them that even though he has magic powers, doing a really hard job against a lot of bad people is a lot easier if friends help. That way no bad guys get away because there’s only one hero. “We are all heroes,” he stated.

THE END

FOR SLONE (Sunday, Nov. 21, 2010)

Dear Slone,

            I want you to know how very important you are to me. I love you very much. I enjoy being with you, talking with you and playing games with you.

            I’m your “Da,” (grandfather), and I am so proud of you. I’m looking forward to you getting older so I can play sports with you, especially. basketball and baseball, maybe teach you some magic tricks and/or get you involved with martial arts (karate). Of course that all depends on how long I live. You’ll be 9 years old when I’m 70 years old, but I hope I can do all those things with you. I think you will enjoy all of them and it will be fun to share those experiences with you.

            I only want the very best for you and I will always try to see that you get the best of whatever you decide that you would like to do (within reason, of course).

            I know that I will probably not have enough time to see you become a man, but I hope you will remember me and Nana, and know just how much we loved you.

            I also hope that you will be wise enough and mature enough to honor your mom and dad, and, perhaps, cherish the memories of me and Nana.

            Please do your best in school (home-schooling or public school) and stay away from illegal drugs. Go to college, excel and be the very best at whatever career that you choose. Make your mom and dad proud of you, but most of all be proud of yourself.

            I will always think that you are a wonderful boy and sincerely hope that you will become an admirable man.

            I’ll be watching over you from the North Star (Just like your mom and Lily), so please make your Da proud of you. I love you Slone. Be well. Best wishes.

NO MORE…9-8-12

            Suppose one day your spouse dies. The next morning you slowly wake up in your warm side of the bed. Your arm wonders to the other side where the feel of the cold sheets startles you wide awake. Your heart breaks when the familiar presence, the warmth of your wife is no more and you are struck with the pain of leaning that sometimes there is no more.

            No more hugs and kisses, no more special moments and occasions to celebrate together, no more phone calls ending with “I love you,” only what seems like an infinite list of no mores.

            Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return It’s gone before we have a chance to say “good-bye,” and “I love you.”

 So while we have the chance, we should recognize that we love it, care for it, fix it when it’s broken and heal it when it’s sick, before it really does become no more.

            And this is true of all special relationships, not just marriage: our children and grandchildren, our special relatives and friends. They are kept close to the heart, precious, worthy of reciprocal love because they have shown us thousands of times how valuable we are to them. Some people are “keepers” and though they may stray, at times, anger us at times, they have also proven their love for us and deserve the title as “keepers.” We can forgive their faults (as Sandy has so often forgiven mine), value their kindnesses and supportive thoughts and return their love for us back to them.

            Suppose you die one night. Did you show your love for your wife and children before you went to bed? Do your grandchildren know you love them dearly? Did you tell your friends how important they are to you when you last saw them? Let the very special ones in your life know you love them, even if, for some reason, they don’t return you love. Love will not always be returned, but taking the “high road” is a pleasant way to travel through life.

UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM ? … 7/14/66

            It all started on my 21st birthday. It was a special day for me, not because I was of voting age, but because I had received a birthday card that was quite unique, although mysteriously depressing, for this traditionally happy occasion. I had never received an anonymous card on any other birthday and now I found myself in an enigmatic situation of overwhelming curiosity.

            I decided to try to find the identity of the anonymous sender. I wrote a short letter to my friends and relatives inquiring if they had sent the card, however, all my inquiries proved fruitless in locating the anonym. Since this seemed like a practical joke by one of my friends or relatives, I decided to let it pass and let the jester have his/her fun.

            I placed the memory and curiosity of that card in the inactive file of my memory bank. Being in the Navy kept me very busy; therefore, it was not difficult to let these memories remain inactive, then forgotten.

            A year passed by. On my 22nd birthday I received another anonymous birthday card. This card, like the previous one, seemed to emit some unknown, invisible depressant and I soon felt uneasy about my own birthday. I did not try to inquire amongst my friends and relatives this time because I felt that I would attain the same negative results as I had the previous year. I did remember someone else who might have sent the cards. She was my girlfriend previous to my Navy enlistment. It had been two years since I had seen or heard from her, but I had her address so I quickly wrote a letter to her. My letter was returned because the addressee no longer lived at the address that I used, and no forwarding address was known.

            I had only eight months remaining until my separation from the Navy and I was working vigorously to obtain acceptance into college. This kept me busy as did my six month cruise to the North Atlantic Ocean. I did not completely forget the card this time. The cards did enter into my thoughts, but most of the time I was too busy or too tired to give steady, determined thought to them.

            All my memories swiftly returned as my 23rd birthday presented itself. This time the card did not disturb me as it had previously. Nothing had occurred in two years to make me think that there was anything ominous about them so I returned to the conclusion that someone was still playing a benign prank on me. I did not think of the card as often as the other two cards because two things happened to me that dominated my thoughts with superlative joy. First, I had been separated from the Navy and, second, I had seen accepted for college admission. These two joyful events acted as a strong stimulant on a weak depressant. I still had many things to do before entering college so I kept busy accomplishing most of them. I was aware that the thrill of civilian life and college work would quickly wear off and the cards would soon haunt my thoughts. The first haunting thought was that the card was sent to my apartment address and I hadn’t had time to inform many friends or relatives that I lived in it, except for my immediate family. I would have thought that the card would have been sent to my sister’s and brother’s-in-law house which, before the Navy, was my permanent address. But the card had come to my apartment address instead.

            My first year of college went by quickly and during summer vacation I received another card for my 24th birthday. This card was the exact duplicate of the previous three cards with the exception of the age number. The card’s face and back still consisted of a brilliant, sparkling red material that shimmered in the light, like a close-up picture of a flame. Both front and back contained pictures of devils and each devil exhibited an ominous and threatening grin, as if he were thoroughly enjoying the clandestine message of his punitive desires. The number “24” was located in the center of both the front and back of the card. The number lay under the feet of the devil picture, as if he were stomping on it. I realized how strange it was to see a card that was the same on both front and back. I have never before seen birthday cards as unconventional and ominous as these cards. The cards seemed to be made of a stiff, cloth-like material that was course to the touch. Upon opening the card you could see the total blackness of both inside pages — total blackness, like road tar. There was no visible written message. There was nothing, nothing but the blackest black I have ever seen before. I asked myself, How was that possible. Isn’t black a color without shades of difference? How could I think that one black was the blackest. Wouldn’t that mean that there’s black, then darker black, and then the darkest black? But my eyes still wanted to tell me that this was the blackest of black, like a deep pit that beckons you with invisible tentacles. I had a feeling of confusion and utter helplessness running through by body until I set the card down.

            I decided, once again, to make an attempt at locating the originator. I wrote to everyone I knew, again, and informed them about the cards. I asked them to stop the practical joke if they were the anonymous originator of the birthday cards. Most of my letters were answered and I was informed by everyone that they had no inkling of what I was talking about. These people said that they had sent birthday cards, but not the one I so vividly described to them. So I wondered if, perhaps, an enemy and not a friend could be doing this. Perhaps it was a vengeful attempt by an enemy and not a practical joke by a friend or relative. Perhaps the cards were a warning. But what warning? And why? I didn’t have many enemies that I was aware of, and I decided that whatever enemies I did have were not clever enough to devise this diabolical scheme and continue it over this long of a period of time. I, therefore, felt that this was an unusually well-conceived practical joke or warning. I felt that one of the people that I had already communicated with had been the anonym, but did not want to give himself/herself away. Perhaps they were having too much fun, or, maybe, I did have a clever enemy. But I also believed that I had stated my disapproval of the practical joke, with such emphasis, that the cards would stop being sent to me.

            It’s good to have some enemies. Why? Because it means that you won’t be bullied, shut up, put down. You’ll give your thoughts and not be scared (or give them in spite of being scared). Having enemies means you’ll be the rampart to prejudices, biases, and random meanness. It means you’ll think and act, not simply accept and sit. Yeah. Having enemies can be a good thing (if you can take the punishment that you’ll receive).

            The date of my 25th birthday was quickly approaching and I was wondering if I had been correct in believing that I had stopped the devil-card nonsense. July 14th arrived and on that day the mailman arrived as usual and, as usual, the unusual birthday card arrived. I recognized it immediately. I cannot say that I was totally surprised, however, I was disappointed — actually I was frustrated, irritated and angry. The card that I received this year was no different from the other cards with the exception of the “25” to indicate my age. I was staring at the envelope when I noticed the postmark. The envelope was postmarked July 13th, the day before my birthday, from a supposedly New York State town called Lucifer. I don’t know why I had not thought of looking at the postmark for a clue, but I had somehow overlooked this obvious marking. There was no zip code in spite of the fact that the use of zip codes had started three years earlier in 1963. The name, Lucifer, was synonymous with devil to me. I searched my memory back to my early childhood where I remember learning, from my father, the origin of Satan. Lucifer was the leader of the angels who were revolting against God. Lucifer was cast out of heaven to the abysmal depths of Hell; from that time on to be known as Satan. The words “Evil omen or bizarre coincidence” flashed across my thoughts, like an airplane with a advertising tail message sailing across the sky, again and again until the phrase was indelibly etched in my brain. Then another lingering thought. If you placed the letter “d” in front of the word “evil,” you get the word devil. The devil consisted of evil, was built from evil, saw, thought and acted from its foundation of evil, and breathed from the heart of darkness. Also, is it just a coincidence that “evil” backwards is “live?” Evil lives in the darkest part of all of us.

            I made a visit to the local post office and inquired about the location of the town of Lucifer. The postman, after searching through a book, stated that there was no town named Lucifer in New York State. As an aside, he mentioned that there was a Lucifer Falls in the Robert H. Treman state park, near Ithaca, N.Y., but that info had no bearing on my dilemma. I showed him all the envelopes’ postmarks, but he insisted that it was a mistake, though he could not explain it. He did give me the address of the New York State Mail Distribution Office so I could double check and/or ask more questions. I wrote to the Distribution Office and they confirmed what the postman had told me; there was no New York State town named Lucifer. They were just as puzzled about the postmarks as I was, but said that they were too busy to investigate such a minor error, which, they believed, would eventually straighten itself out.

            The cards had no identification marks of the manufacturer on them either, so I described the cards’ exterior and interior, along with a description of the texture of the card and its exterior and interior colors, to the leading manufacturers of birthday cards. Within a month I received answers from all the manufacturers. Their answers were unanimous, as if their responses had been given in unison to one secretary. The manufacturers stated that they produced no such card and knew of no one who did produce such a card. They also stated that if I was attempting to use this as a gimmick so they would produce a new type of birthday card, then they were not interested, especially since the card’s colors conveyed too much sadness for such a happy occasion as a birthday. I was advised that the general public would harshly reject a card of such bad taste due to its depressing nature. So the only thing that I had accomplished was to learn that my opinion of the cards was the same as those manufacturers.

            I had already spent the better part of my summer vacation on another fruitless attempt at anonym hunting so I decided to enjoy the remainder of it. However, I did not completely banish all thoughts of the card from my mind. There was still a silent ghost haunting one corner of my mind. I kept a mental note to bring one of the cards to college when classes convened in September. I would ask my science professor to analyze it in every detail that he could think of; anything to give me a clue about its origin.

            I enjoyed the remainder of the summer, but enjoying myself seemed to make time fly by more quickly. And it did, with September arriving like a race car. College classed began, but I waited until after the confusion and disorder of the first two weeks had past to present the card to my science professor, with an explanation of what had been occurring on my birthdays. He was a portly man with disheveled gray hair. He had a slow, cautious walk and deeply curious eyes. I always imagined that I would see a question mark in each of his eyes. However unimpressive his appearance was, this man was deeply respected and admired for his scientific, encyclopedic acumen. He held the card firmly and examined the coarse, cloth-like material. I thought I saw the question marks flashing in his eyes. I told him that I was curious to know what material it was made of as well as any other detailed info that he could determine. He looked at me in an unexpectedly derogatory manner, but before he had a chance to say anything, I told him that it was very important to me. He smiled, but it wasn’t his usually friendly classroom smile, though he agreed to analyze the card, then inform me of his findings as soon as possible. I had never seen him act like that before, though I have seen many classroom friendly teachers who were contemptuous outside the classroom.

            I had my doubts about the result of the tests; they would probably lead to more questions and more confusion. With all my failures I figured that the material would probably be unknown to man. The next morning the professor informed me that the material was asbestos. “Quite unnatural. The world’s biggest fool must have sent it to you,” was what he jabbed the card at me. His hostile behavior stunned me. I took it as he turned and walked away to start the class. I was incredibly disappointed that the professor had not taken me seriously and settled on simple finding the material the card was made of, though that info was helpful. Perhaps that was all there was to find, but he seemed like a different person.

            I made it through my third year of college, but not without any regrets. The cards were constantly on my mind, distracting me, frustrating me, causing my irritation to grow. This interfered with my assignments, so my grades dropped.

            I manages fairly successfully to put it out of my mind so I could concentrate on final assignments and end of year testing.

            Summer arrived none too soon, as I felt mentally drained, which seemed to sap my physical energy as well.

            It was over a month until my birthday, but now that I had no work to focus on, the cards crept back into my thoughts like a trail of voracious red ants.

            Finally my birthday arrived and without surprise the anonymous birthday card arrived along with all the others. I placed this card with the others on the kitchen table, unread, until my morning breakfast, then went to work. I had a summer job to help pay for my college expenses, so I kept busy all summer just trying to earn and save as much money as possible.

            At summer’s end, so did my job. I was back in college, my final year. I knew I had to concentrate, so I decided to remain focused on my class work in order to maintain the high grades that I had been obtaining, before the cards had distracted me. When thoughts of those cards tried to jump into my thoughts, I used the picture of a mental eraser to erase them. I got so good at it that those thoughts only occurred, occasionally, in my dreams, when I was off-guard. My invested efforts paid splendid dividends because my grades were all excellent and I graduated at the top of my class.

Speaking of erasers, I think pencils need erasers at both ends.

But then I have to ask myself, “What would be the point?”

            I did not take a summer vacation job because my full-time career job was found and waiting for me, though it didn’t begin until September, which gave me the whole summer off. Now I had plenty of time for concentrated thinking and the cards were the object of my thoughts. I thought about the meaning of the cards from the end of May until the end of Jun and I arrived at a few conclusions. I realized that since I started receiving the cards I had only been seriously unhappy and depressed on the day that the cards arrived. The rest of my frustration, irritation, and anger was really self-imposed. I shook my head, disgusted with myself for prolonging my own frustration. I had gotten overly frustrated because of my obsessive, unanswered curiosity, but I found that I could overcome this obstacle. My slight drop in grades in the third year of college was the result of too much time thinking of the cards and not enough time studying. So I had proved to myself that I could overcome this obstacle and did so in my senior year. Yes, feeling deeply disturbed while holding or reading the cards only lasted as long as I was holding or reading them. The rest of my frustration and irritation was needlessly self-imposed. So the answer to the cards, the answer to my obsessive curiosity lay in the cards themselves. How simple! How stupid of me not to see that.

            After reaching those conclusions, it was not too difficult to read the seminal conclusion. I decided that the cards were meant to convey a disguised message to me. They were not practical jokes or the pranks of any friends or relatives; they were send by an enemy. That enemy was no friend or relative of any living person. He was the enemy of all mankind. He is the devil. What is his message? The message as I see it, is this: Birthdays are accepted as being happy occasions, but they are not happy occasions and the devil wanted me to know why. A birthday card is only a representation of a fraction of a person’s own death certificate. A birthday represents a year of a person’s life that has gone and will never be lived again. If a man lives to be 65 years of age, then every birthday cards represented one sixty-fifth of his death certificate. The sixty-fifth card, for this man, represents the completion of the elongated death certificate and the completion of life.

            Two weeks after arriving at this conclusion, I had my 27th birthday. I did received another card, but somehow I was not unhappy. The figure “27” was on the front and back. The card was the same as the others until I opened it. The inside was still tar black, but on this black background there was a brilliant red sentence, with a signature underneath. The sentence said: “You are lucky; most people never reach the correct conclusion.” It was signed, “Lucifer.”

            Since then, I have not received any of those cards.

            One sad note, however, with my guilt attached to it, is that my science professor died on my 27th birthday . . . in a fire.

Note: Written on July 14, 1966 as an attempt to write an Edgar Allen Poe type of story. I was reading some of Poe’s writings at that time.

DISSATISFACTION EQUALS PROGRESS

          I’ve read and heard that almost all progress in individual human life and, thus, in civilization, that progress is based on need (Necessity is the mother of invention). But, this may seem to be a simple deduction, What is “need” based on? It’s based on dissatisfaction. Individual, groups, nations that need something are dissatisfied with the way something is. So the root of man’s progress, modernization, civilization, is really dissatisfaction of the way things are. There lies the irony, that civilization is built upon the foundation of dissatisfaction in humans (a negative turned into a positive).

          So someone is dissatisfied with using their hand in a fight and they pick up a stick or rock for a weapon, but soon they are dissatisfied and the stick becomes a club, a spear, a bow and arrow. Dragging thing from one place to another is exhausting, but rolling them is easier; roundness is needed for rolling so the wheel is invented; walking takes too much time, so dissatisfaction leads to using horses, cars, trains, busses, airplanes, rockets. Is someone dissatisfied with the weakness of a structure? Nails, screws, glue results from that dissatisfaction; dissatisfied with meaningless grunts and other human made sounds? Give them meaning and we have language bases on an alphabet, then letters, stories, novels, poems, recorded history.

          So it is human dissatisfaction with their existing conditions that makes it necessary to devise better ways of doing things. Progress, like counting on fingers is improved by the use of an abacus, a numbering system, adding machines, calculators, computers, etc.

          Of course, we mustn’t forget that dissatisfaction can also thwart progress: anger, fighting, murder, battles, wars.

          The dissatisfaction of humans has changed the world from nadir to zenith.

A PATH DOES A FUTURE MAKE

4-28-13

A path does a future make.

Each person makes the choice.

A choice of which path to take,

Based upon their personal sake.

Pick a path, walk it right,

Stand tall and decide well.

Make your future bright,

And on vice do not dwell.

I chose the teacher/wife/daughter path

And along came a little girl,

After seven years, do the math,

Then arrived my priceless pearl.

A precious child for me to love.

A daughter who returns love to me.

She’s my bright star from above.

A star shaped like my heart’s key.

Two paths I saw, one dark, one bright

Which to follow, the light or dark?

Pulled to darkness, I sprinted to light.

Rejecting darkness to make my bright mark.

Two paths had appeared before my eye.

What should I do? said I.

No pause, no delay, no confused sigh.

I chose, never needing a regretful cry.

NOTE: I wrote this with Robert Frost’s

poem, The Road Not Taken, in mind.

          Sometimes I say crazy things, as in words or phrases. Once I was trying to tell Sandy the name of a song that I was referring to and I said the song title was Alligator Dance. Sandy laughed hard and it took her awhile to calm down and ask me, “Is the song title Crocodile Rock.” Yeah. It was.  Too funny. That was a few years back. Recently I needed a napkin and blurted out I need a table tissue. I don’t know where that stuff comes from, but it happens. I’ve actually said a lot more of similar things but can’t remember them. Some of them go back quite a few years, but I never thought to write them down.

          A question that really interests me is: “What would you do if it could be guaranteed that you would not fail?” I’ve never been able to think of anything good enough, and when I think I might have an idea, I doubt myself by wondering if there isn’t something better that I could do for my family, my country, the whole world. I’ve ruled myself out because that guarantee is too grand, too crucial to waste on individual greed.

Jun 28, 2013

THE DAY MOMMA AND POPPA BONNEWELL DISAPPEARED

BEGIN FART 1

          It began on a dark and pouring rain night that was so cloudy, the moon was not visible. Shadows hid within other shadows creating a spooky, nervous feeling that caused most people to stay inside their well-lit and warm houses.

            The rain, instead of becoming lighter actually poured down in a sheet of water that seemed to form a curtain over the windows of the houses, as if something evil did not want to be seen. The moon and all the brilliant stars disappeared from the sky, and momma and poppa Bonnewell disappeared from their home. Gone. Vanished like the sun, the moon and the stars. Just a second ago they had been seated and reading their books. Then, suddenly, their chairs were empty as if by an unwelcomed magic trick.

Lily and Slone returned to their home in Mr. Pooka's (MP) Rabcar (rabbit car), the car that did not roll on wheels but hopped like a rabbit. They said goodbye to MP who spread magic powder from the car to the front door so they wouldn't get wet. When they entered the house, MP drove home. His nose kept twitching and after her rubbed it a few times; he felt as if something was wrong.

Lily and Slone entered their house with smiles on the faces. They had a good time with MP; they always did. They looked forward to going to MP's mysterious cabin in the forest just a mile away from their own house. He was their best friend, he was magic, and he was fun.

Lily and Slone ran into the living room yelling for their momma and poppa. They were so excited that they wanted to tell their parents all about their visit with MP, who had become their trusted friend, also.

The living room was empty. Their parents chairs were empty, but both their reading lamps were on. Something strange, too. Both their books were opened and on the floor as if they had been dropped there. That was something their momma and poppa would not do because they were neat and loved books. They would never just get up and drop their books on the floor.

Slone and Lily checked the rest of the house, even the closets and the cellar, but their parents were not there. Even though it was raining, they checked the back yard and the side yards. Nothing. That's when they got scared. The rain felt like fingers sliding around their bodies, trying to grip them, hold them, take them away. They turned and ran for the back door and felt safe out of the rain. They called all their friends and relatives, but were told that their parents were not there. Their momma and poppa were gone. They were alone in a big, empty house. They hugged each other because they felt fear crawl over them like hundreds of worms looking for something to eat.

They both shivered and that feeling went away, but they knew that they had to called MP immediately. When they called him and told him what happened, he said he'd be right there to pick them up and that they were not to leave the house until he got there. But MP asked them to check one thing: check to see if their momma's and poppa's cars were in the garage. They were surprised that they had not thought of that, but when they hung up the phone and checked the garage, both cars were there.

MP arrived quickly, waving Slone and Lily to get in the Rabcar immediately.

When they ran to the car and got inside, Lily asked, "Aren't you going to check the house for clues?"

I have to get you two to safety first. My cabin is protected with magic. You will be safe there.

"No! Please MP," Lily and Slone protested. "It may be too late by then. We didn't find any clues, but maybe you can use magic to find clues and help us find our parents."

"OK," MP said as he looked up and down the street for anything suspicious. He saw nothing; darkness had control of the night, its rainy fingers dripping over everything. "Here, put these magic raincoats on and stay close to me. No wondering around the house without me. Understood," he said seriously, no trace of humor as his voice usually sounded when they were having fun.

"Yes," Lily and Slone answered as they became very frightened by the tone of MP's voice. They were so scared and worried now that their eyes coated with tears. They grabbed MP's hands as they walked to the front door of their house. They hardly noticed that the wet fingers of rain parted around them, didn't touch them and so they kept dry. As they walked toward the house, the front door opened by itself and they stopped, surprised and full of fear. Even MP looked worried. MP said something and waved his furry hand toward the house, then they kept walking as they gripped MP's furry hand more tightly.

When they were standing by the front door MP said, "Don't worry. We'll find them." As they stepped through the front door, the lights in the house all went out and there was a cold chill to the house that had been cozy warm just minutes ago.

END OF FART 1

BEGIN FART 2

"It was the yellow witch and the red witch, wasn't it," accused Lily.

"Yeah, added Slone. It must have been."

They looked at MP for confirmation. MP was deep in thought for a moment, and then he said, "I'm not sure. They've never done something like this before. This doesn't seem like it would be them. Something isn't right. Did you see any clues? The witches usually leave clues because they want you to know that it was them that hurt you or out-smarted you and caused trouble for you."

Slone: "We didn't see any clues; nothing yellow or red left behind. Right Lily?"

Lily: "Right, but it could still have been them. They can be real mean."

MP: "Yeah, it was probably them, but I still have a bad feeling about this. You checked all the rooms, closets, the attic, cellar, and the yards?"

Lily: "We forgot to check the attic. But we can't reach the ceiling door anyway."

Lily looked at Slone with fear in her eyes and saw the same fear in Slone's eyes.

"OK. Stand still," MP told the children, then spread a special blue magic powder over their raincoats. Suddenly the two children glowed; Lily glowed with a blue light, and Slone glowed with an orange light as if their raincoats had become like giant light bulbs. Now the house lit up wherever they walked.

"Don't worry," MP said in a whisper. Those two witches don't have magic better than my magic, although they sure can create a lot of trouble. But this is more trouble than they usually create. Then there's the rain magic that I don't usually need and have never used with you guys. It's unbeatable magic. At least it always has been. My own grandma and grandpa showed me how to use it.

Lily and Slone looked surprised at MP.

"You never mentioned rain magic before," Slone stated.

"Well, I don't use it often, and it can be dangerous to use, so I did not mention it before," explained MP.

"How does it work?" asked Lily.

MP: "It gives my magic added power, super-power actually, but I was told not to use it unless absolutely necessary. I'm not sure why, just that, somehow, it was also dangerous to use it too often."

Slone: “Rain Magic? Wow! is that why Lily and me and momma like the rain so much? We like to play in the rain” . . .

Lily interrupted: “Yeah and we like to listen to the rain tapping on the roof and gurgle out of the rain pipe, plus” . . .

Now Slone interrupted Lily: "And watch the rain fall into our swimming pool making thousands of splashes."

MP: "Now that you have mentioned the swimming pool, did either of you check the swimming pool area for clues?"

"Oh no," they both said at the same time."

"Oops. We didn't check that either," Lily added.

"It's raining pretty hard. Maybe we can check it when the rain stops so we don't get so wet," said Slone.

MP laughed. "I guess you still don't understand rain magic Sloner (MP sometimes called Slone Sloner). With rain magic there is nothing the witches can do that can hurt us. The wetter we are, the stronger is our magic against them. You won't be wet, but your raincoats will be completely wet and so will all my white fur."

Lily and Slone looked much less worried about their safety but still worried a lot about their mom and pop. However, they knew that MP would get their mom and pop back safely for them so a faint smile changed the corner of their lips.

But their happiness changed to sadness and fear when MP disappeared without warning or explanation right before their eyes.

Lily and Slone hugged each other. They didn't know what to do. At least their blue and orange lights did not disappear, too. But they sure felt lost without MP to help them.

THE END OF FART 2

BEGIN FART 3

Lily and Slone were startled to see MP vanish so suddenly, but even more surprised to see a man standing where MP had stood just a second ago.

"Rain magic is powerful," the man said while looking up at the sky and letting he pouring rain was over his face and brown hair.

Slone and Lily backed away from the man even though he looked very familiar.

"Don't be afraid my friends. I'm still your Pooka friend, but sometimes it's better to look like a normal person, especially when there is a mystery to solve."

"Geez Mister. You look like our Da," Lily responded.

"Yeah, but our grandpa wears glasses," Slone said.

"Well, I don't need glasses but I chose to look like your Da so that you would feel safe and loved as well as protected. And if we have to talk to other people to solve

this mystery, it will probably be better if they don't see a seven feet tall, white rabbit named Harvey, right? They might think that you guys are crazy."

Lily and Slone nodded their heads up and down to agree with MP, but then Lily said, "Why would they think we are crazy."

"Well, because you say you have a seven feet tall rabbit for a friend."

"Yeah," Slone said, “maybe Lily is crazy."

"Me? Why wouldn't you be just as crazy?"

"I'm a boy and everybody knows that girls are crazier than boys," Slone said as he laughed loudly at Lily.

"That's not true and you know it, you narbo-doodle-floop head," Lily said.

"What the heck is that?"

"How do I know what that is. I'm crazy, right? Crazy people don't know anything."

"OK guys. Enough fooling around. Let's search more."

They searched all the pool area that was under the porch roof then walked out into the rain again. They were standing by the pool fence, but couldn't see much because of the pouring rain. But MP had extra good eye-sight and when he looked over the fence he froze, not moving a muscle for a couple seconds. His facial expression became contorted with severe worry and fear. He held both arms out, waist high, to prevent Slone and Lily from approaching the fence any farther.

Lily said, with a worried tone of voice, "What's the matter MP?"

"Your momma and poppa didn't vanish because of the yellow and red witches. I know that now," MP stated with a sad voice.

"What do you mean?" Slone asked.

"It was the black witch that was here. She was the one who took your parents."

Lily: "How do you know that?"

Slone: "Yeah. How can you tell?"

MP: "Just look at the swimming pool water."

When Slone and Lily looked through the fence netting they saw that the water was as black as licorice. That was the clue they had missed.

"That's bad, isn't it?" Lily asked.

"Very bad," MP whispered.

"How bad do you mean?" Slone asked.

"Very, very bad because the black witch has never been beaten. I never had to fight her, but I've heard stories about the strength of her magic. I'm worried about your momma and poppa now."

Lily: "You can still save them, right?"

Slone: "Of course he can."

MP thinking silently, "I don't know if I can. That witch is powerful, very powerful."

END OF FART 3

BEGIN FART 4The water was calm like a black mirror, but it didn't stay that way for long. The black water began to boil and out of that boiling blackness rose a heavy steam that floated over the center of the pool. A face appeared in the steam. It was the face of the powerful black witch. she smiled but said nothing.MP: "You see how beautiful she is?"Lily: "She's pretty."Slone was silent for a moment, and then said, "She's not prettier than Momma."

Lily: "Yeah. That's true. Momma's more beautiful."

MP: "And your momma is not evil. The black witch is evil and she can fool almost anyone that does not know her well.They were all surprised when the steaming face of the black beauty (BB) witch spoke to them. "I've been looking forward to meeting you, Harvey." She said it sarcastically, which showed her dislike for MP. "I've heard so much about you from my sisters, the yellow and red witches. They seem to think that you are unbeatable. I think they are wrong. But we will find out when you try to save the parents of those brats that are standing next to you. Their parents are nice people, but I hate nice people. And you look human now, Harvey. I hate humans, too, especially their disgusting smell. They smell like they live in the toilet." Her laughter was so loud that the pool water rippled around the edges of the pool.MP: "I've heard stories about you, too, BB. Nothing good or nice of course."BB smiled. "I like the name Black Beauty. It fits me perfectly. Thank you so much for thinking of it Mr. POOPA."MP ignored BB's insult, then said, "Where are Mr. and Mrs. Bonnewell?"Slone and Lily knew that they should be quiet and let MP talk to BB so they stood quietly and close to MP as their blue and orange glowing raincoats lit the pool area.BB: "They are perfectly safe and unharmed, but they are waiting for you to find them. See you soon, if you are as smart as my sisters say you are." Then BB vanished as the steam and all the pool water rose into the dark rain clouds that ruled the night sky.Lily: "Wow! She is scary. She so mean she took all the water, too."Slone: "A lot scarier than the yellow and red witches, that's for sure."MP was listening to his friends while he stared at the bottom of the empty pool. "Look there," MP stated as he pointed to the far end of the empty pool.They all seemed quite surprised, their eyes squinting to make sure they were seeing what they thought they were seeing, but only MP had good enough eyesight to see it in the dark, where the blue and orange lights could not shine.MP: “BB left us a clue so we could follow her into a trap. I looks like a . . .”The wind gusted, blowing their hair and cloths violently, so Lily and Slone could not hear what MP said.END OF FART 4BEGIN FART 5"Snake," MP said. "A very unusual and rare snake. It's called a Desert Digger. They are nearly extinct and can only be found in some parts of the deserts of Arizona.MP grabbed an empty water bottle off the swimming pool table and walked down the steps into the now empty pool. He walked to the far end not knowing what to expect from the snake. "Would it magically change to something dangerous?" he asked himself. He threw magic powder into the air then walked under the falling powder which coated his entire body. He was safe now and when he picked up the snake and put it into the bottle, nothing bad happened although the snake stared at him, its one yellow eye and one red eye glowing in the dark as its red and yellow stripes shined like they had red and yellow lights in those stripes.MP: "We must go quickly to Arizona."

Slone: "With that spooky, weird-looking snake?"

Lily: "Arizona is a really long ways away from Florida."

MP: "Yes. We need to release the snake in the Arizona desert. I think BB left it so it would point the way to her hiding place, where she has your parents. It's worth the effort and the long trip."They returned to MP's cabin in the Mysterious Forest, but MP did not go into the cabin. He went directly to the garage. He opened a large, floor-level cabinet door and rolled out a toy airplane.Slone and Lily stared at it in amazement, and then started laughing. A toy airplane seemed really silly to them.Lily whispered in Slone's ear, "Maybe MP will change us to the size of ANTS so we can get into the toy airplane."Maybe," Slone replied as he grinned, "but maybe he'll change us into UNCLES instead of ANTS. Small uncles, of course."They turned and saw MP smiling at them. "Nope. No ants or uncles. Something more helpful."Slone and Lily looked surprised. They didn't think MP had heard them joking so they felt a little embarrassed about making jokes behind his back. They watched as MP rolled the toy airplane out of the garage and onto the long driveway, and then said some magic words after he said, "Rain Magic."Lily: "What did he say?"

Slone: "Not sure, but it sounded like 'HUBA-LUBA-DONKEY-DOO-DOO.'"

Lily: "Oh it did not. Stop being silly. It sounded more like 'MEANIE-WEENIE-MONKEY-SPIT.'"

Slone: "Now who's being silly?"

Gradually the toy airplane grew larger and larger. Lily's and Slone's eyes bulged outward with fantastic surprise. That surprise ended their silliness. When the airplane grew big enough, they all climbed into it, MP piloting the plane at first. But as they traveled to Arizona, both Lily and Slone were taught how to fly the airplane just in case MP was injured somehow and they needed to pilot the plane. They were only half way to Arizona now and MP took over the job of flying the plane. He pointed to a red button on the console. "This button sends us into a hyper-speed of one thousand miles an hour. I'm going to use it now so we can travel the rest of the way to Arizona in only a few minutes.Suddenly Lily yelled, "What's that!"

Slone: "Wow! It sure is big."

MP: "Yeah and it's coming right at us. Make sure that your seatbelts are tightened. Parachutes are hooked to the back of each seat. If we have to eject the whole seat will fly from the plane and the parachute will open as you are seated in your chair.

Slone: "That doesn't make me feel better."

Lily: "Me either."MP: "If it happens, it'll be scary since it will be your first time, but it will be safe and kind of exciting, unless the giant bird is hungry for human flesh." MP giggled silently because he knew that birds don't eat human flesh.Slone and Lily looked at MP and hoped he was just fooling around. When they saw him smile they knew he was just joking, but the joke worried them at first. But then Lily and Slone really got genuinely scared when MP yelled, “Oh no! That damn bird is trying to crash into us. Hang oooonnn!”

Lily and Slone both thought, "MP doesn't usually swear. He has to be really made and scared himself.""It's going to fly into our wing and knock it off. It's diving at us. NO! NO! The last sound they all heard was a loud boom.

END OF FART 5BEGIN FART 6MP thought quickly. He turned the airplane on its side so the wings were vertical (one wing pointing up at the sky and the other wing pointing down at the ground). But it didn't fool that giant bird as it reached for the plane with it huge talons (claws). MP maneuvered the plane into a zigzag motion avoiding the giant bird and flying into the clouds to hide. The screeching bird followed them into the clouds and with its giant wings, flapping violently; it blew the clouds away making the Pooka plane visible again. Now it was so quick that it grabbed the plane into its huge claws. It started flying away.MP: "That giant bird is called a Phoenix. There's a mythological story about it, but I haven't time to tell you right now. That is a clue for us. Sending a bird called the Phoenix means that BB wants us to land at the Phoenix, Arizona airport. I thought at first that the bird was trying to harms us but it was just playing with us, trying to scare us. Well, it worked.""You mean that it won't hurt us?" Lily asked.

MP: "It could easily harm us, but it won't. BB must have ordered the bird to scare us. It's a game with her. She like scaring her enemies.The Phoenix bird suddenly changed into a see-through airplane made of clear plastic. BB was flying it. Mr. and Mrs. Bonnewell were seated in it and were looking at Lily and Slone. It looked like they were saying "We love you" to Slone and Lily. There was a sad look on their faces at first, but then they saw that the pilot looked like the children's DA. Then they saw DA change back to MP, who waved them, and were even more hopeful because of MP's magic.Then BB's plane disappeared, vanished into the sky only leaving the irritating sound of her laughing at MP and an echo saying, "I'm more powerful than you. Can't you see that?"MP was furious at BB. The Phoenix released the Pooka Plane and MP landed at the Phoenix, Arizona airport. MP helped Lily and Slone out of the plane then they walked away as MP patted his backpack to make sure he had the snake in the bottle.They were blown off their feet as the airplane exploded: the heat making their skin hot and red as if they had a rash."You two OK?" MP asked as he stood up and brushed dirt off his pants.

"I'm fine," answered Slone.

MP: "Lily? How about you. You OK?"When there was no answer, MP and Slone turned, looking for Lily. She was gone.Slone was so upset that he screamed, "Lily! Lily! MP? Where is Lily?" Slone's scream was so loud that it was heard by BB who was miles away, as well as momma and poppa Bonnewell who were hugging Lily who had suddenly shown up on BB's plane.BB's hateful laughter filled everyone's ears. END OF FART 6BEGIN FART 7MP grabbed Slone and hugged him tightly, just like his DA would do. MP was now afraid of letting go of Slone for fear that he would disappear too."Stay very close to me," MP said to Slone, then whispered in his ear, "I put a button-sized radio transmitter under the collar of Lily's shirt."Slone: "Do you know where she is now?"MP took an instrument out of his pocket, turned it on, studied it and pointed into the distant sky. "BB took her somehow and she's with your mom and poppa on that plane. Now we'll know where BB lands her plane.""But she won't stay with the plane when she lands. She'll just hide some place."MP: "Yes, and when I release the desert digger snake it may lead us to her hiding place. At least I hope so.Slone: "Well, won't the transmitter show you where she is, if she stays with Lily?"MP: "Maybe and maybe not. It may not even show where Lily is if BB's hiding place is underground or in the mountains or if she has a shield to block the signal. The transmitter work great out in the open."Slone: "Please put a button on my too."MP: "It's already there, Slone. I thought I may need it if somehow I lost you and Lily in a crowd or something, but I was stupid not to think that BB might take you and Lily. I hate to admit it but she out-smarted me. I should have known better."Slone: "Everyone makes mistakes, even smart people, right? You told Lily and I that many times. I believe in you. You can rescue them.MP: "Listen, Slone. Don't be afraid, OK. BB may take you too. I haven't been able to stop her so far. She's got some sort of magic that I'm not familiar with and don't know how to stop it. Not yet, anyway. If she takes you, be calm not frightened. BB doesn't really want to hurt any of you. She wants to hurt me, to make me angry, which will make me careless and easier to lead into a trap. She wants to steal my magic and leave me powerless. Then she and her sisters and cousins can do whatever evil they want to do without worrying about me."Slone: "Lily and I know that won't happen. Lily loves you just as much as I do, but are you sure that BB won't hurt my momma, poppa, and Lily?"MP: "Very sure. Yes. She won't dare hurt any of them. Lily is protected by my strongest magic; so are you. It would take a long time for BB to figure out how to undo that magic spell so she won't waste the time. Besides that BB knows that if she hurts you or Lily, then I'll go to Witch Mountain and hurt her sisters and cousins. Kidnapping your parents and Lily is all about hurting me, not about hurting Lily or your momma and poppa."Slone: "Why doesn't BB live with her sisters and cousins on Witch Mountain?""Good question, Slone. You're a pretty fart smeller . . . Oh; I mean you are a pretty smart feller." Slone grinned, but said nothing due to the seriousness of the situation. "Sorry, Slone. I know it's no time for jokes, but I wanted to relieve the stress that's in the both of us. It didn't work though."Slone: "So why do you think that BB doesn't live on Witch Mountain?"MP: "I don't know the answer to that question. I don't know the answer to this question either: Why would BB bring us all the way to Arizona? and What is her special power and What is her weakness? Everyone has a weakness, even those with magic powers. If I could figure out her weakness then I could cancel her magic powers.""I'm still afraid that she will take me, too, even though you said not to be afraid. I can't help it.""That's understandable. I know that I made a big mistake with protecting Lily. I hope that she will forgive me. You are now connected to me with an invisible and stretchable magic rope. I should have thought of doing that with Lily so she couldn't be taken. but she's not in danger and she's with you momma and poppa so she's safe even though she is a prisoner of BB."They both got into a car and drove out of town where MP released the snake. Slone liked snakes so he picked it up and let it lay along his arm."No Slone," MP yelled, but too late. MP saw Slone grimace with pain as the snake changed into a poisonous rattlesnake that grew two heads, one yellow and one red, then bit him.It happened so fast that MP could not prevent it. All he could do to help Slone was to catch him as he fell toward the ground with a shocked look in his eyes and a grimace still twisting his lips.

It was the first time in a very long time that MP had cried and he said, over and over, "Oh no. NO. NO. I love you Slone."END OF FART 7BEGIN FART 8MP immediately sprinkled magic power onto the snake and onto Slone's bite marks. The powder put the snake to sleep when it changed back to a sand digger. The powder sprinkled onto Slone's arm was sucked into the bite marks so that it could circulate through Slone's blood stream and try to kill the poison.A voice came to MP. It was BB saying, "There's no poison, stupid Pooka. The bite just put the brat to sleep like you did to the snake. This is fun. I've never heard of you crying. The stories all say how smart and strong your magic is. I think you are weak; crying like a baby. I'll have to tell my sisters and cousins what a weakling you really are. Even if the snake was poisonous your magic is still working and I'll would have hurt your little brat friend. You panicked. How pathetic you really are." BB's laughter echo through the clouds so loudly that it woke-up Slone from his sleep.Slone got up and smiled. "Why are you crying?" he asked MP.MP: "Oh, I guess I got sand in my eyes." He didn't want to appear weak to Slone."Look," MP said, glad for the distraction away from the hand that was wiping the tears away. "The snake woke up and is crawling southwestward."Slone: "Oh no. It just went under the sand. Guess that's why it's called a sand digger."MP: "Yep. We can still see its tail though because it didn't dig very deep. See that long raised-up line of sand? That's him moving. Let's follow."The trail led to a mountain where the snake entered a cave. MP and Slone were sweating when they stopped before the entrance to the cave."Seems like no matter where she goes, it's hot," MP thought out loud. He paused with a surprised look in his eyes. He said, "Hot. No matter where she goes. Mountains are cold. Deserts are hot. Slone," he said loudly, "She doesn't like cold or coolness. That's why she doesn't live with her sister and cousins on Witch Mountain. That's her weakness. She loses her powers in cool and especially cold climates. She would be weak or without powers at all if she live on Witch Mountain. We did it, buddy."Slone: "I knew you would do it. Now we know how to make her weak, maybe even powerless. Yippee!"MP: "Yeah. We know her weakness is coldness, but there's nothing cold in a dessert. Guess we could throw ice-cubes at her."Slone: "Very funny, but not very helpful MP.""Yeah. I know. We need to think of something. MP paused but could not think of anything. He said, "Can you think of anything?""No," Slone answered with a worried expression."MP: "We have to work together to think of something to do. Even if we enter the cave and find them, we can't do anything, and we know her weakness. That's so frustrating. But we don't give up. We don't quit. We stay positive and we do whatever it takes to save them. Whatever it takes.""OK. But what do we do? What's the plan. This is very scary, but I'll do my best to help save Lily and my mom and pop."MP: "I know you are scared. I am too, and I'm seldom afraid of anything because nothing has ever been able to beat my magic. My cleverness, especially since you and Lily started helping me has always been better than anyone else with magic powers . . . until BB came along.""Are you positive they are all in that cave?" Slone asked.MP: "Yes. Lily's button-sized radio transmitter is about one to two hundred feet deep inside the cave and it's moving around. and when she gets close to her mom and pop and Lily, then I see for red dots on this screen." MP showed them to Slone. "They are all in there. See this black cloud shape on the screen? That's BB." He showed Slone again. "They are all in there. But this is a trap. You know that, right?""Oh. Yeah. I forgot about that part.""OK. You stay here. I have to go into the cave anyway. There's nothing else that I can think of to do.""But if you unhook the magic rope, BB will capture me like she did to Lily.""But she won't hurt you. We already talked about that. This is now a fight between only BB and me. I must finish this alone, I think. Besides that, I can't even try to protect you inside that cave. Once I'm disputed BB will release your parents and Lily. You have to show them the way back.""She didn't take your power away, so why will you not be able to protect me, Lily and my mom and pop when you get in the cave?""Slone, buddy and good friend, my weakness is darkness. I get my powers from the sun's rays and the sun recharges my powers. That's one reason that I spend a lot of time outside. It's not only fun to be outside, but I NEED to be outside. The cave is dark and in the dark I lose my magic powers.""Oh no! That's terrible. So BB's weakness is coldness and yours is darkness?""That's right, Slone.""What if you just don't go inside the cave where it's dark?"MP: "The BB will force me to come inside by threatening to hurt your mom and pop."Slone: "I thought you said BB would not hurt any of them.""She won't as long as I go in there so she can capture me. I can't take the chance of having Lily or your mom and pop hurt."Slone: "Well, before you go into the cave and lose your powers, why don't you give me your best powers, and I can help that way.""Holy cow, Slone. I didn't think of that. That could work. See. I told you that you were" . . .Slone: "Yeah. Yeah. I know. I'm a pretty fart smeller." With a mischievous smile Slone said, "No time for jokes, remember? We have work to do."Despite the serious nature of events MP could not help laughing quietly and hugging Slone. He wished Lily was there to hug, too. He thought of her; how precious and pretty she is. She and Slone were so important to him and he loved each of them very much. He snapped out of his loving thoughts and got serious again, saying, "Here's the magic powder. Fill your pockets. Your thumbs will be become fleshy flashlights when you enter the darkness of the cave. Touch your thumbs together and the lights turn off."Growing excited, Slone said, "If you can make light, then your magic weakness will be cancelled, right?" Slone looked up at MP with a hopeful expression.MP: "I wish that were true, but artificial light won't work. It has to be sunlight; the warm, bright light from the rays of the sun."Slone's hopeful smile disappeared. His pockets were stuffed with magic powder which, somehow, made him feel older, more sure of himself. MP smiled at Slone as if MP knew what was happening to him with all that magic powder and power in his pockets. "You will have to think of a way to get BB and your family out of the cave. Please don't worry about me. That will distract your actions and thoughts. You need to get everyone, especially BB, out of the cave, OK?"Slone hugged MP. "I'm just a kid MP. I don't think I can do this." At the last moment Slone's self-confidence started deserting him, but the smile on MP's face made him feel much better. If MP could smile at him, knowing that soon BB would be able to make him powerless, then he could do his best to help MP and his family.We have no other choice, except accept defeat. We can't quit, right? Your terrific idea to give you the magic will at least give us a chance at success. It's your time to be brave, Slone. It's you that must rescue everyone. MP took Slone's hand in his and they walked to the front of the cave. They looked into the darkness and could see nothing. MP could feel Slone's fear; his heartbeat racing. "You and Lily are the best friends that I've ever had. You know that? Whatever happens, you and Lily need to be very proud of yourselves. As you grow up, just be good persons and life will be happy for the both of you." MP, still holding Slone's hand in his, stepped into the darkness and immediately they both started sweating due to the heat coming off the surrounding rock walls.Then there was light as Slone's thumbs glowed like lanterns and MP did not look like DA anymore. MP looked like a Pooka; a seven feet tall, white rabbit who was slump shouldered, head hanging down, staggering on weak feet to hold up a weak body. Slone's hand slipped out of MP hand which was not strong enough to hold it anymore. Slone felt the change in MP; a tear formed in each corner of his eyes."Finally," BB's voice rang out and echoed against the cave walls. Small chips of rock and dirt fell from the rock walls as she smiled triumphantly at MP's weakness. "I told you that I was more powerful. I beat you. You are now a pathetic weakling. Soon you won't even be able to stand up." Again, her laughter caused chips of rock and dirt to fall of the rock walls of the cave.Slone was stunned; in shock as he saw the awful weakness that had taken control of MP. He snapped out of that shock when he saw his family tied up and chained to the cave walls. A tremendous anger filled his whole body when he saw the chains and that anger made his thumbs glow like spot-lights, blinding everyone in the cave.END OF FART 8BEGIN FART 9Before they entered the dark cave; before MP lost his magic powers, MP had whispered in Slone's ear because he was afraid that BB might have some kind of magic to listen to them. Now, in his weakened state, MP could not help Slone. Slone thought, "I'm just a kid, not an adult. But I do feel older. I also feel stronger I still feel that this is too much responsibility for a kid. How could MP do this almost every week or maybe every day without Lily and I knowing about it? To us it was a good time; exciting and adventurous while we did dangerous things under the protection of MP.Slone realized that he was looking at the ground which was a common expression of defeat. His thumb lights dimmed and almost went out as he was weakening. Then he saw the yellow and red snake crawling toward him and had a strong feeling that he should crush it under his shoes. But before he could do that, in a flash of sparks, the yellow and red witches appeared in front of him. MP had told him that the snake was really the yellow and red witches in disguise. He had that same feeling when he first saw the snakes colors. Slone wanted to bury the witches all in an underground prison. Then, to everyone's surprise, especially BB's, the red and yellow witches dropped into the ground as if a trap door had suddenly opened under their feet. They were gone, vanished. Slone was surprised.BB stared at Slone. "Oh. Now I get it. Your Mr. POOPA gave you magic powers before you two entered my cave. How clever. I should have thought of that. But the magic didn't work on me or I would be underground, also.""I did that your sister?" Slone asked.Slone didn't realize that he really had done it."Don't act stupid. I know you did it."Slone thought to himself, "I didn't even use magic powder." But when he felt his right pocket, it did not feel as full as it did before. "I thought it and it happened automatically," he said to himself, not wanting BB to know his thoughts."Bring back my sister," BB ordered."Free my family," Slone responded.BB: "I'll make you a deal. You use your magic to send my sisters back to Witch Mountain safely and I'll release your sister."MP was now sitting with his back against the cave wall, nearly tipping over as he made a sigh of exhaustion from his weakened body."That's not a fair deal. I just get my sister free while you not only get your sisters free, but they also get sent home safely. Seems to me that you are getting three things and I only get one thing. NO deal."MP could still hear what was going on around him and he smiled weakly at Slone's cleverness."Let's see," Slone stated. "I want three things also. I want Lily and my momma and poppa set free. You get three things and I get three things.""OK, but don't think you are too clever. You are just a kid and kids are pretty stupid. I should smash you right where you stand." BB laughed at Slone."And if you hurt any of them, I'll use all my magic and power to return to Witch Mountain, smash it and hurt your sister and cousins.""Yeah, Yeah. You little, stinky, ugly brat. OK then, we have a deal."BB was surprised to hear the chains fall to the floor, the ropes snap, and the gags peel off all three of her prisoners."So you set them free yourself. Think you are clever. No, you're not clever enough." BB pointed at her three prisoners, mumbled something and a jail cage appeared with her three prisons inside and still her prisoners. "OK, little boy. I see that your magic can't hurt me, but it can hurt my family, so I'll accept your deal. You send my sisters back to Witch Mountain safely and I'll free your family. I'll be able to tell, to feel if they are safely back to Witch Mountain."Slone: "I'll accept that deal. But you go first. Free my family from that jail and don't make them prisoners again." END OF FART 9BEGIN FART 10Black Beauty witch looked at Slone wondering where his courage and cleverness came from, but she realized that she needed to save her sisters. She pointed and mumbled some words and suddenly Slone's family was free and standing by him. Slone looked at his parents and said, "You don't know what's happening so please help by not interfering. I have to do this myself, with help only from Lily."Slone's attention went to thoughts of the two witches he disliked and made disappear into the ground. He thought of Witch Mountain, too. Suddenly dirt flew up from the cave floor and the witches were sent back to Witch Mountain safely. He could tell from the pleased look on BB's face that she knew her sisters were safe and back on Witch Mountain.Lily touched Slone's arm. He looked at her and let her know what he was thinking. He thought, "Lily, I need your help. I can't think of a way to get MP out of this cave so He can regain his powers. He'll die soon if he stays in the darkness. That's what makes him weak; the darkness. He needs to have sunlight. And MP figured out that BB's weakness is coldness."Lily thought, "I didn't know BB and MP even had a weakness. Now I know why MP is so weak in the cave; because it's dark. BB's weakness is cold? Wow! There's nothing cold in the desert. We have a big problem. Coldness. Cold," she thought. Suddenly her eyes sparkled with an idea. "Slone, I have an idea.""Good. Do it. Fast."Slone was startled when he heard Lily say, "Hey! Everyone. Look how ugly BB is. See that wart on her nose and her rotten teeth. Wow! Her breath stinks. Pee-you And look at her floppy ears. Dogs ears."BB grew angry. "What are you talking about? I am a beautiful witch. My beauty is known everywhere. You can't even see good enough because your brat brother's lights are so dim. Yeah that's the reason.Lily whispered to Slone, "Turn your thumb lights off and don't ask questions."Slone obeyed even though he did not understand what Lily was doing.Lily: "Now BB you look even uglier. Hideous is the word.""Now you can't even see me. Your brother didn't brighten the light so you could see better. The dummy mistakenly turned off his thumb lights. I'm beautiful."Lily: "Well prove it sour puss. Let's go out in the daylight so we can see how ugly you really are." Then she whispered, again, to Slone, "Make a magic bow and arrow. Don't ask, just do it."They all walked out of the cave, leaving MP behind as BB ordered. MP was getting weaker and weaker.Slone made the magic bow and arrow.Lily: "Put the strongest magic MP gave you on both the bow and arrow. Lots of it."When they were outside, the cave entrance collapsed and covered the cave entrance. MP was now trapped inside and dying slowly.BB smiled. "I did that just in case you brats have any tricks to save your Mr. POOPA" BB looked up at the sun light. She saw only a few clouds in the sky. "See my beauty?" she said as she closed her eyes and spun around slowly.When BB was showing-off, Lily said to Slone, "Shoot the arrow into the clouds and in your head keep saying Rain magic and hail, rain magic and hail.'" Slone and Lily both repeated those words over and over as their parents stood looking at them with surprise. They were so shocked that they did not move. However, they did notice that move clouds were coming and they were getting darker and darker.BB's eyes were still closed and she was still twirling around demonstrating her beauty from all angles. But when the sunlight disappeared and the sky grew dark, BB opened her eyes just in time to see and feel the icy balls of hail that dropped from the sky. The hail fell all around her, some of it hitting her. The coldness of the hail terrified her. She screamed as she was buried in a mound of freezing hail. She could no longer move. Her screams continued then became muffled as she struggled inside of the clear, icy prison made of hail.They Slone and Lily raced to the entrance to the cave."Slone!" yelled Lily, "use the magic powder to clear all the rocks away and open the cave's entrance."Slone acted fast. He knew how important it was to get MP out of the cave. As she threw magic powder on all the rocks the clouds disappeared and the sun came out to shine brightly and warm everything it touched.Lily and Slone grabbed MP's arms and dragged him out of the cave and into the sunlight where he slowly started healing and regaining his magic powers, especially when Slone was smart enough to sprinkle magic powder all over him like a blanket.Everyone looked at BB, even MP. When the ice melted they could all see that BB had turned to stone to become part of the mountain.MP talked. "Slone's great idea and Lily's cleverness saved everyone from the black witch."Soon they were all home and in bed sleeping, MP too. In the morning they would all wonder if it was just a dream. All except MP who knew it was true and that his best friends had saved his life and save their momma and poppa.

END OF FART 10

To: Lily and Slone, I love you very much.

Fm: Your Da

A TART FART

7-14-13

A fart can be a foul thing,

Though it puts my guts at ease.

It warms my bed in winter.

In summer it kills the fleas.

My farts can be silent,

Or they can be loud,

And some deadly ones

Create a thick cloud.

I can make them short.

I can make them long.

Sometime put together,

They sound like a song.

Don’t shy from a fart,

They’re pleasant to the ear,

Don’t run away screaming,

There’s nothing in a fart to fear.

Some farts don’t even smell,

While others can be vile.

Some fade away quickly,

While others linger awhile.

A fart can occur

In a number of places,

And leave everyone there,

With grimaces on their faces.

From wide open spaces,

To a crowded elevator,

A nice ripe fart will find

You sooner or later.

To say farts are all bad

Cannot be true, you see,

Because you gotta love

A sweet old fart like me.

“To a father who is growing old,

  nothing is more dearer than a

  daughter.”

…….Euripides  (480-406 B.C.)…….